The Fate Button
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Nature
November Rain, by Donald Trump When I was a child, I watched children play in the rain. Up in my tower, above the clouds, how the other children played as if rain was a blessing. Then I turned from my tower...
Art
Norm Macdonald once said "The perfect joke...
The Fate Button
Click the damn button. We tap Facebook to reveal your horrible yet deeply comforting fate.
Add me to your email list
Sports
The US midterm elections have been an act of carnage. Divisive politics. Nazis. Racists. Caravan invasions. Rapists. Guns out. Big Jesus. Relations between friends and...
Politics
Top of the day to you, sage readers! We are back with a special election day letter from one of our least popular authors: Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.! As many of you know, our former colonies on the other side of...
Politics
The Russian military have been invited to serve as a third-party international monitor to the United States democratic process. “Americans demand free and fair elections!” said Donald Trump in a recent tweet. “So I’ve...
Culture
This is my Halloween hangover. My Halloween walk of shame. My girlfriends and I dressed as a coven of sexy witches. Our group was the toast of town. We put a lot into our costumes. Spirits were...
Inspired
For Halloween this year, I decided to go as someone amazing. It can feel scary, yet not as creepy as it may seem. Rain for a thirsty world. I came in from outside where I felt the rain patter upon my...
Culture
Politics
The following is an excerpt Trump gave at a rally last night. COLUMBUS, OH. Friends. There is a new kind of terrorism. The liberals are all in on it. The fake news is in on it. There are...
Science & Health
Well Windows ’95 took me until ’15, but thanks to Clippy I am here now officially a PowerPoint master! Yes! You’d think I’d be happy, right? But NOOOOO I was walking to the payphone this morning to call my...
Economics
Mark Zuckerberg is a billionaire today. “I found 2 bucks outside the gas station and thought 'Why not buy a ticket?'” He didn’t even realize he won until his accountants called and said they’re going to have the jiggle...
Science & Health
Politics
"You know they have a word, it sort of became old-fashioned, it's called a nationalist," Trump said said at a campaign event at the Japanese Toyota Center in Houston. Trump was there to rally voters to support Sen. Ted...
Culture
Top of the day to you, sage readers! The Tilted Glass proudly introduces a blinding new addition to our striking team of staff columnists: Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq. Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq. hails...
Politics
The National Rifle Association is officially a gay organization, says NRA president Oliver North, in the following prepared speech: Friends, to those who know us, this will come as no surprise. I love a man in a...
Culture
Duh. As if you had to ask? Right here. The Tilted Glass. So please click our ads & send us money. If you don’t, trillions of registered voters will not have access to the...
Art
Well this just dills my pickle. America’s two most beloved musical acts are joining forces! They’re kickin’ off a ten-year long tour this very weekend over in Charlottesville. Come on down! You won’t wanna...
Inspired
Here’s a story for you… The banks give you debt so you can make them rich The government gives you taxes so you can make them rich Employers give you salary so you can make them rich You get trapped in a lifestyle...
Politics
You’ll have to take it from my cold, dead...
Culture
The President of the United States, Chief “Setting Sun” Trump, celebrated Columbus Day today by building a giant wall. “You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are,” said Chief Setting Sun. “These aren’t...
