Reality Adjustments
 

Californians Rejoice as Earthquakes a Sign of Dreams Coming True

Jul 06, 2019

A magnitude 7.1 earthquake struck Southern California on July 5, 2019.  This came after a 6.4 hit on the Fourth of July.

For many this is a sign.  Of ice caps melting and the earth cracking as it heats up.  Of Jesus coming again for his Hollywood sequel.  Of unbridled capitalists fracking our planet to its core.  Or of the natural processes of being a non-flat Earth.

But for Californians, this is a sign of our dreams coming true.

“The more I become a mover and shaker,” said Silverlake actor Angela D., “the more the Earth moves and shakes.  Like, I just posted my new headshots yesterday, and literally I broke the Earth Internet.  I broke the planet: the PlaNET.”

Granted, her headshots were really good.  But it just so happens that others are having similar luck.

“As soon as I swiped right and matched with my dream girl,” said Venice resident Ricardo F., “the 7.1 hit.  I mean: What more proof do you need?  I swipe and California nearly breaks off the USA.  So I’m probably going to ask her out.”

What does it all mean?  Why does the Earth move?  How can A lead to B lead to C when we exist in dimensions beyond the 4th that make causality a laughing joke?

Indeed, I have my dreams too.  We here at The Titled Glass will become an unstoppable juggernaut of tilted news and so it it would surely be a sign if when, reading these words right now… right now this very article… that a crack in the OH MY GOD ASDGHFDGW RV WEV WRV FNW ENVERVQRG!$#  df FHC 2EIF UH5 488YHHKFJBHV924RIJNDFKJBD

DF

BSFD

GBN4I2FD

DFGDS

The Tilted Glass