A new trend is taking America by storm. America’s husbands have begun declaring emergencies to avoid negotiating with their wives.
“I just find it so much easier this way,” said Fred Carson of Aurora, IL. “I wanted to watch the game. My wife wanted me to cook. So I...
In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius created St. Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th) to overtake the Lupercalia festival (Feb. 15th).
Lupercus was a name for the Greek god Pan, a satyr. His festival, celebrated annually on the anniversary of the founding of his temple, was called the Lupercalia. Lupercus watched over the...
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Donald Trump’s steamy Valentine’s Day texts were leaked today.
The president had been on a midnight bender, texting his many love interests.
While the public is accustomed to America’s first “Porn Star President,” less known is his style of flirting. Just how he seduces his many love interests. ...
It’s been another long day of work for Matthew Danes. This came after a long week of work. Wow, my how the year has just flow on by.
Feels like forever since he had even a couple days off.
Wait… what happened to last year? Has it been...
Censorship alert! Trump delivers new economic miracles the mainstream media refuses to broadcast.
The US has re-gained the #1 spot in Crisis Manufacturing for the first time since its 2003 Invasion of Iraq, beating out tough competition from China, France, and Spain.
Thanks to Trump’s manufacturing of an imminent “border crisis” with...
Motto: Y’all are noisy and can’t feel true...
Cardi B saved the planet today and delivered world peace with her 4 step plan.
We bring you this news mostly after being charmed watching a bunch of Cardi B interviews last night.
How did the Afro-Latina signer from the Bronx do it? Here’s her 4 steps, in brief.
Step 1) She enhanced...
Think you can spot the difference between these two men? It's not as easy as it may seem. Take our interactive quiz to learn your Trump-Manson score.
Who Said it? Donald Trump or Charles Manson?"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." Donald...
WASHINGTON DC - Trump delivered a riveting State of the Union speech last night. He blabbered on a bit before suddenly getting into the juice, stressing the importance of obeying his cult. Here is the highlight from the speech:
"Patriotic Americans, you must be loyal to me, your leader, beyond all doubt. ...
Super Bowl LIII was the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever. The New England Patriots defeated the Los Angeles Rams, 13 to 3.
When asked the secret of his longevity, the team’s captain, Friedrich Nietzsche, clenched the game football in his hands and replied “God is dead. God remains dead...
Over 100 million people will watch the Super Bowl today. Fans will come, set their worries aside, and gather over food, drink and bright screens to enjoy the thrilling championship of modern gladiators.
Over a half billion dollars will be spent on ads. Production companies have created miniature movies to deliver...
It is I, your father and midwife, Donald J. Trump.
Have you considered the moment your mother and I conceived you in a furnace of passion?
Babies come from outer space. They arrive in a cosmic jet that only billionaires can charter. Because when you’re a billionaire you can do anything...
The Instagram and Tinder accounts of Jennifer Silver have successfully reached 100% fusion.
A single social media manger in her late 20s, Jennifer has converted her Instagram into a tightly-controlled dating portfolio.
It presents a visual collage of her activities, permitting the ability to receive expressions of interest...
If only plants had opposable thumbs...
Someone you barely know in real life has proclaimed victory on your Facebook wall. They’ve “recapitulated once again” that your “argument has been soundly defeated by logic” and that they--unlike you--“stand for the truth.”
This tedious conversation has now hit over 100 comments. Each time you think it’s done, your...
It has been tweeted as a victory for green renewable energy.
A manufacturer of solar powered tanning beds can’t keep up with demand. Beaches across America are now willing up with solar powered tanning beds!
Because no power outlet is needed, the units are frequently dragged to remote places. This means pristine environments do not need...
