Reality Adjustments

Evangelical Book Club a Little “Too Into” This Month’s Pick

Aug 28, 2019

DULUTH, MN - At the faith-oriented “Witnesses Who Read” book-of-the-month club in Duluth MN, group of women have reportedly gotten a little “too into” this month’s pick.

The book, Fifty Shades of Light, by the self-published faith-author Mary Lakes, has turned into quite the sensation.

“I’ve already read it 20 times!” said club-member Elizabeth Toodles (32).  “How incredible that it’s based on a true story.”

Based on a true story?” scoffed Gretel Biscuits (67).  “It is the entire story!”

A bit of healthy competition has emerged, from who has read the book the most to who lives their lives most accordingly to the cast of characters.  

“I divorced my husband after he refused to read it more than once,” scolded Betty Pages (19).  “If you really loved FSOL, you’d do the same.  Posers.”

“It’s one thing to divorce a husband,” countered Nancy Regal (40).  “But I sold my house so I could afford to follow Mary Lakes on her speaking tour.  I put my money where my heart is, unlike you dime-a-dozens.”

Lately, a major rift has divided the club after it voted to keep the same book as next month’s selection.

“There’s really no other book to read,” ordered club-president Deborah Shirley (55).  “All of us members shall read Fifty Shades of Light until the day we die.  And to hell with you who disagree, but find your own club and I’ll cut your throat.”

Last seen, the Witnesses Who Read club was handing out Spanish-translations of the books in Honduras.

The Tilted Glass