Reality Adjustments

Evangelical: Just Do Whatever You Want… And Still Make Money

Jan 25, 2019

KANSAS CITY - The founding pastor at The Mountain River of First Hope had what you might call a ‘religious experience’ today.

Noah Bafome built his church by preaching the kinds of things that made his heart sing: love your neighbor, forgiveness, true wealth comes from above, stop drinking, watch your sins, let’s gather together to sing and speak in tongues… the usual affair.

But money was tough last year.  A married father of seven young kids, he wished the old adage “the more you give, the more you get” applied to people in his congregation giving him more money to pay rent.

One day, in desperation, he googled a few Bible verses on prosperity giving (Philippians 4:19, Deuteronomy 14:22-26)

Wouldn’t you know?  His flock loved it and he made a lot more money.  And the week after too.  Things changed quickly.  He began to love this whole “google the Bible to justify what you feel” idea.

One day before church, he had an argument with his wife that was unresolved by the time mass started.  He googled some Bible versus that said women should shut up and obey their husbands (1 Peter 3).  He went off on a rant for the entire sermon while his wife watched in the crowd.  “That’ll teach her,” he thought.  Wouldn’t you know?  It resonated quite well with the men.  And some of the women too: “Well it’s in the Bible…”

Then he realized The Secret: He could just justify whatever he felt like doing.  When he was bothered by gays, he googled anti-gay verses (Leviticus 20:13).  When he wished the US would build a wall and break up immigrant families, there was google (Romans 13:1-7).  

One day he screamed “Google is a gift from god!” as he lifted his Android and placed it beside Jesus’s feet.  His gold chains clanked gently as he lay it down by the altar.

Last seen, he was at the 13th birthday party for his eldest daughter.  She had dyed her hair black, cut holes in her jacket, and was googling Bible versus on feminism, animal rights, peace, and environmental activism.

The Tilted Glass