Reality Adjustments

Bouncer Blocks Jesus From Night Club on New Year’s Eve

Dec 30, 2017

Jesus Christ of Nazareth was denied entrance to The Block, a popular nightclub in Tel Aviv, after waiting in line for more than three hours.

“Come on, we’re going to miss the countdown,” said Jesus, visibly upset at this point.

“No,” said the bouncer, as he lifted the red rope, permitted 4 ladies, and closed the rope again.

“But I can promise you heaven!” the Lord Savior replied.

Suddenly the thin walls on that cold silent night filled with new music.  The song changed and all anyone outside could hear was the DJ playing a rave remix of Belinda Carlisle’s 1987 hit Heaven Is A Place On Earth:

They say in heaven, love comes first
We'll make heaven a place on earth
Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

The bouncer had a soft giggle at the irony.  “Plus you arrived with 12 guys.  And your outfits are a little bit… outside of Israel nightlife norms.”

“What are you talking about?” said Jesus as he looked to the other disciples for solidarity.  “We’ve always worn these.  We’ve had no problems at the Temple Bar.”

“Look, we’ll let the lady in.  She’s cool.”

It was then that Mary Magdalene shrugged her shoulders and slowly replied, “It’s cold outside, guys.  I’ll see you in there, ok?”

Then Jesus was beside himself waiting.  Last reports had it that he was still seen there at 2am, handing out free bread and fish to everyone, but no one was taking it, preferring the gourmet Masala dosa food truck parked outside.

The Tilted Glass