9 Ways to Finally Be Real

Dec 27, 2017

Want to be real?  We have taken this question from the unique angle of our own truth.  We have taken this question to heart.  Here now are 9 tilted steps to finally being real.

1) Be in a constant state of failure

If you are not constantly failing, you are not trying.  You are coasting.  Try something that makes you fail.  Learn to love failing.

2) Honesty is more sexy

Your boyfriend doesn't want to hear what you think he needs to hear.  Your girlfriend doesn't want to hear what she thinks you need to hear.  

Be honest, not in a mean way.  Be honest with all your grace.

Sometimes you might feel a little sting in receiving someone's honesty.  Sometimes you might feel a sting in giving honesty.  Learn to love the sting.  No need to run.

3) Don't apologize for being you

If you want something, want it.  If you say something, say it.  Sometimes the fallout might land funny.  Sometimes someone might be tweaked or offended.  This is not grounds for apologies.  That's just a need for more grace.  Grace comes with time.  It's ok to be awkward at first.

Apologize for your lies, but never for your truth.  

4) You are not special

Your egotism is special, you are not.  You are one of billions.  Billions have the potential to be a Buddha.  Billions have the potential to be President.  Stop being special.  Surrender yourself into the mundane crowd. See the spark of genius in the stupid.  See the spark of stupid in the genius.  There is no judge saying this is more special and this is less special.  There is no special.  It's all special.  Break these binaries.  Get out of the binary box.  Get into the world of the clown.

5) Let go of "I Am X" and "I Am Not X"

I am a singer.  I'm not a dancer.  I am shy.  I am outgoing.

I am not a crook.  I am peaceful.  I am pure.  I never get mad.  I never get jealous.  I am never anything negative.  I am always positive.

I am a vegetarian.  I am a businessman.  I am a dentist.  I am straight. I am Catholic.  I am Muslim.

You might say "I am happy," but only once you remove the "I" and the "am" can you then be left with happy.

Sure you might feel something, but you are not defined by what you feel.  These definitions get in the way of your truth.

You may find liberation by saying you are this and you are that.  It will feel liberating to say "I am gay" and come out of the closet.  You're allowed to feel all of these.  You're allowed to feel none of these.  But also let them go.  Be outside of these definitions.  They get in the way of the deeper more real you.

6) You are already your highest self

Toxic reactions are the shell around you.  You are not the shell.  The shell envelopes you in darkness.  The shell sometimes can even appear as if light.  But it is false light.  It is not your truth.  Your truth is breaks from inside and knows how to laugh.  Your truth is not grumpy.

7) Stop knowing

How often do you begin your sentences with "I know..."?

You don't know anything.  Obnoxious people know things.  You are here to feel the real.  You are here to inspire the real.  You are not here to know more than someone else.  Authenticity is a process of removing the shells of knowing.

8) Let go of your accomplishments 

It doesn't matter what you have achieved and not achieved.  How connected are you in the present to someone?  

In some Latin cultures they call people "papas sin sal" - potatoes without salt.  Are you checked out?  Are you just a lump in the room, there, but not contributing anything?  Maybe more interested in being on your phone or what's on TV?  Be present.  Bring a little spice to life.  Be a potato with salt.

9) Let go of the past and future

The past contains old definitions.  Old relations.  Old attitudes toward you.  Things which may not have worked.  A trap of anger and regret.  Things which may have worked.  A trap in repeating more of the same, of coasting.

Likewise, the dream you have for tomorrow is the dream of yesterday.  Work toward your goals, but also know that your goals can limit you.  Open yourself to the possibility of other goals.  Maybe it's having a family.  Maybe it's a new career.  Maybe it's learning a new skill.  Don't worry about the future.  It will give you anxiety.  Work on your present with a general mindfulness that things may potentially arrive there one day.  Where you think the future will land is different from where the future will really land.

Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald’s, had three keys to success:
1 – Being at the right place at the right time.
2 – Knowing that you are there.
3 – Taking action.

The future is more spontaneous than planned.  And if you are stuck in one model of the future, it will block you from taking action on a present possibility.  One that is real.