The Tilted Glass
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Earth Saved! Aliens Find Earth Too Doomed to Invade.

Dec 26, 2017

The Earth has been spared a catastrophe!

Hostile aliens traveling from the Pleiades cluster with the intent to destroy Earth and devour all of our resources, have arrived to find our home "pretty much tapped out."

We are very disappointed to say the least.  It took us 130 parsecs to get here.  We left in your year 1593.  Back then your planet was this blue and green maravel.  What happened?  I'm so sad. You really wasted our time.  And my kids were really excited to pet a Dodo bird.  What am I going to tell them?
--Pleiadian ship commander Veltrixor the 57th

After they landed, their team of scientists quickly assessed that there was garbage everywhere, the climate was spiraling out of control, and that even a basic "spark of care" was missing.

It was pretty easy to figure out.  We just read the IPCC Assessment Report written by a panel of hundreds of your scientists.  Plus Zweebikor slipped on an oil slick while trying to escape an airplane from crop dusting him.  Then a bus passed by and someone tossed out a Coke can which hit his head.  It was pretty funny if it weren't so tragic.

Their spaceship unfortunately had landed right in the center of the great pacific garbage patch. Its engine sucked up small plastic bits and was destroyed.  The only spare parts being back in their home star cluster.

Unable to leave, Veltrixor the 57th shrugged its shoulders and said:

Well I guess we are stuck here.  Might as well lend a hand and help out.  Maybe it can be worth invading later.
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