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NRA: 10 Tips to Stay Safe

Mar 15, 2018

In response to the wave of mass shootings, today the NRA has released a list of 10 Tips to Stay Safe.  

This 10 step plan will ensure as much safety as possible for a better America.

NRA: 10 Tips to Stay Safe

  1. Outside is unlikely to be safe.  Don't leave home.  Lock your doors and bar your windows.  For all practical purposes, think of your home as a prison and secure it appropriately.
  2. Get a job where you can work from home, or in a worse case scenario work inside of an armed windowless office compound.
  3. Buy all your goods and services online.  Have it delivered outside of your front door so you do not need to leave.
  4. Invest in a closed-circuit surveillance system.  Monitor its activity religiously and with just a healthy touch of paranoia.  Implant your family and pets with GPS tracking devices.
  5. Don’t try to make so many new friends.  Trust nobody except those with NRA membership cards.  Also we're not racist but don’t trust black people with guns.
  6. Entertain yourself with inside activities instead of outside, such as television, pornography, alcohol, your favorite Bible verses (especially Old Testament), your laptop Facebook, and your telephone Facebook.  Spend your free time posting on social media to troll all those idiots who want to see the government take away your guns and come and kill you like sitting ducks.
  7. Homeschool your kids.  Send them to their rooms and give them video games as punishment if they want to play with their friends outside.  Handcuff your partner to the bed, except for when it's time to cook, clean, or change diapers.  Keep your attack dogs inside.
  8. Take plenty of Xanax (now owned by NRA).
  9. If you must leave home, buy as big of a truck or SUV as possible.  Armour it like a tank.  Install bulletproof windows, a gun rack, and dangling truck nuts along with decals of the American flag, the NRA, the US military, Trump, and Jesus as deterrent to show the haters that you really mean business.
  10. Buy as many guns as possible (obviously).  Make sure your family carries loaded guns on their persons at all times.  Make sure your spouse and teenage children do not get into any heated arguments with you.  A happy home is an obedient home.

Nothing can go wrong with these 10 tips.  Your household will become a perfect utopia in accordance with the Overlord's plan.  Anyone who disagrees is a symptom of the Hollywood plague that hates our military and is trying to destroy our way of life.  Amen.

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