Reality Adjustments

Pfizer Invents New Disease For Pill That Makes People Compulsively Spend Money

Jun 30, 2018

Pfizer has isolated a new drug that  makes people compulsively spend money.

It’s the perfect drug for any business to peddle to their customers.  Imagine the possibilities.  It has infinitely business potential.  

But how to get customers to take the pill?  

At first glance compulsively spending money sounds like a terrible symptom to have in a pill.  You’d think that a pill which helps people save money would be more useful, medically speaking.

It has baffled Pfizer’s marketing department for many months.

But there is historic precedent for their dilemma.  Diseases such as Dry Eye Disease and Restless Leg Syndrome were invented to fit into the symptoms of newly isolated drugs.  Even osteoporosis was an invented illness, for when Pharmaceutical giant Merck created Fosamax, there was no market.  Instead of scrapping the expensive research, Merck invented osteoporosis and lobbied it until it became a real thing.

But fear not!  Today Pfizer is happy to announce “Frugal Tension Syndrome.”  Millions of people are effected by this.  Are you one of them?  Are you a bad tipper?  Do you hold onto things for too long?  Do you overly-balance your checkbook?  Do you own a savings account?  Do you feel like you have money but don’t want to spend it?  

If so, Pecuniaparco™ may be right for you.  

While saving money may be normal in some case, in many others it might be a sign of the terrible Frugal Tension Syndrome that is taking the world by storm.

Ask your doctor for Pecuniaparco™ today!

Side effects include confusion, dizziness, faintness, or lightheadedness when getting up from a lying or sitting position suddenly, drowsiness, falling, nausea, seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations), sleepiness or unusual drowsiness, swelling of the legs, twisting, twitching, or other unusual body movements, unusual tiredness or weakness, worsening of parkinsonism, abdominal or stomach pain, bloating or swelling of the face, arms, hands, lower legs, or feet, blood in the urine, blurred vision, burning, pain, or difficulty in urinating, chest pain, chills, cold sweats, cough, double vision or other eye or vision problems, fainting, fear or nervousness, feeling of constant movement of self or surroundings, high or low blood pressure, irregular or pounding heartbeat, loss of memory, mental depression, pain, pain in the arms or legs, pounding in the ears, rapid weight gain, sensation of spinning, slow or fast heartbeat, sore throat, sweating, tightness in chest, tingling of hands or feet, tingling, numbness, or prickly feelings, trouble in concentrating, troubled breathing, unusual weight gain or loss, vomiting, anxiety, buzzing or ringing in the ears, changes in vision, fever, headache, joint pain, loss of bladder control, muscle cramps, pain, or spasms, nasal congestion, runny nose, sneezing, trouble with swallowing, and unusual urges.

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