Trump Declares World Peace for Christmas. Military to Help Humanitarian Causes.
Dec 24, 2017
War is over. Peace is now! It has happened.
Donald Trump has declared world peace. Just in time for Christmas, he signed a new executive order that immediately re-purposes all military personal and war machines.
Executive order number #655321, referred internally as “North Pole #1,” includes the following:
- Soldiers to help elderly cross the street and with child daycare
- Ranking officers ordered to pick up litter whenever they see it on the street
- Tanks turned to plowshares
- Airplanes to drop seeds over felled terrains
- Canteens refitted into food kitchens
- Extra budget will be used to forgive all student loans, provide free health care, and subsidize affordable housing
In a twist, Trump apparently though he was signing an order for more war, not less. He though he was singing the "Executive Order for World War III."
The 1,345,234 page document, which no one has read, including Trump, was drafted entirely in crayon by a collection of child refugees. When asked "how can we help the world?" they came up this this list together.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!