grade Report: Jehovah Considering Another Biblical Flood

Posted on April 10, 2018

Today in Heaven, reports from high ranking Seraphim are coming down the line that  it that the Lord God—YHWH, Elohim, El-Shaddai, Adonai, Jehovah—is considering a second flood.

“Y'all aren't changing yourselves,” Jehovah is rumored to have mused.  “Racism, misogyny, animal abuse, environmental destruction, overpopulation, unchecked capitalism, consumerism, technocracy, religious fundamentalism, and the age of trolls as world leaders…. it’s all getting a bit much, don’t you think?  Simpler to start anew.”

He’s even gone as so far as to make a short list of people to stick on the Ark.  The list included David Bowie & Iman, Sitting Bull & his wives, or Vipassana meditation leaders S.N Goenka & Elaichi Devi.

But these folk were already dead.  So this leaves his longer list of Mark Zuckerberg & Priscilla Chan, LeBron James & Savannah Brinson, or a handful of rich folk who own big yachts already.  But he's been a bit meh on the idea in general.

"Oh screw it," said Jehovah.  "We're gonna maintain course.  But if you don't figure this out soon I'm gonna send my son again, but this time he's gonna come out of Wakanda, and she's gonna be a woman actually, a daughter."

We mix fresh silly levity and important social stances. A blend of serious, satire or outright fantasy: You decide. The heart in nonliteral packaging.

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