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Facebook Changes Name to HeartWorm

Mar 27, 2018

The company has rebranded itself after recent backlash over data privacy.

Companies and people have always changed their names to get a fresh start.  In its early years, Backrub changed its named to the less sleazy Google. Guru Rajneesh changed his name to Osho after scandals in his free love spiritual commune.  ValueJet became AirTran after a terrible plane crash.  United Fruit Company became Chiquita after it became known for sponsoring wars and genocides in Central America.  Donald Trump's previous name was Donnie Dingle.

Facebook's new name came because Facebook has started to lose some of its cool factor.  Its reputation has real repercussions.  Facebook is attracting less top level talent coming out of college.  And employees have reportedly requested transfers from within Facebook to other divisions such as WhatsApp and Instagram.

It doesn't help that it is currently immersed in controversies involving data privacy, fake news, Russian influencers, and storage of personal texts and phone calls.

For this reason, Facebook has announced it is time for a fresh start.  And not just a couple of new settings here and there for you to forget to click at.  No: It's time to change its name.

“We’ve actually changed our name before,” said CEO Mark Zuckerberg.  “We used to be called TheFaceBook.  So now we change again to honor the new landscape of the world we live in.  These are different times that when I was in my college dorm room.  Facebook is less about the surface, and more about what lives underneath in the dirt.  Facebook is less about the face, and more about the heart.  That is why we’ve officially changed our name to HeartWorm.”

Yes!  Public response has been overwhelmingly positive.  This indeed signals a fresh new start.  HeartWorm represents the future.  HeartWorm shows that companies can care about the soil beneath our feet and the heart of Mother Earth.

HeartWorm Incorporated has in turn launched even more aggressive plans at data mining.  Its goal is to tunnel into every living entity on this planet.  To burrow through our very core where it shall live within us in harmony, not as a parasite, but in a symbiotic relationship with the beat that keeps you alive and circulates through your veins to each of your tiny living cells.

Yes, we here at The Tilted Glass welcome the coming of the great HeartWorm.

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