Apple Announces Ingestible iPhone for Fetuses of Pregnant Mothers

Posted on September 01, 2018

Worried your pre-newborn baby will be born behind the times?  If so, check out the new ingestible iPhone for expectant mothers today.

“Today we announce a very special breakthrough,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook.  “Our exciting new product merges advances in telephony, medicinal capsules, and prenatal UI.  We present to you: the iPhone XXS.”

For the small price of $20,000, an expectant mother just needs to swallow a pill and Apple will take care of the rest.  Soon the phone will grow and enter the amniotic sac to be absorbed and held by your baby's predeveloped appendages.  They will have all the features that regular humans have, including being able to text, set up a Facebook account, and play Candy Crush Saga.

Excitedly, your baby will even be able to take selfies and live stream the process of bursting into the the birth canal and getting squeezed out the cervix.  

Still on the fence?  Aren’t sure if your baby is ready for today's technology?  Then be sure to take our quiz: When is a Child Instagram-Ready?

The Fate Button

We made this extremely useful Facebook game for you at great expense. Click the button and we will predict your horrible yet deeply comforting fate. Do you dare? Try now before your time is up!

Add me to your email list

sentiment_very_dissatisfied THE FATE BUTTON