Reality Adjustments

Ram Apologizes for Ad Via Hologram of Prophet Muhammad

Feb 07, 2018

Ram has created a hologram of the Prophet Muhammad to apologize for its Super Bowl ad.

The Super Bowl ad proved controversial because it overlaid Martin Luther King’s words atop Americans doing altruistic things, as if acts of service were somehow related to that damn truck, as if buying another heap of fossil-fuel-guzzling-future-scrap-metal in some way gives you “grace of heart.”  

So Ram made a hologram of the Prophet Muhammad to officially apologize today.  Not because Ram is actually sorry, but because their advertising team predicted X amount of backlash, and such backlash is vital to getting people talking about Ram Trucks... talking about them with just the right words and just the right framework they wanted you to use.

Ram predicted that liberals and African Americans will call Ram out on their bullshit.  But Ram’s target demographic is not those people—it is breadbasket America.  Like Trump’s election strategy, Ram realized that getting “Hollywood liberals” to attack them for “just trying to honor American service” will motivate the actual target demographic to rise up and defend Ram’s tasteless ad.  The target demographic will associate people who don’t like the ad with “overzealous feminism” or “destroying American values” or “too many immigrants.”  It's quite crafty and much too confusing for people to mentally keep track of all these details, but easy to connect perfectly on an emotional level.  This is the point.

The result is that the target demographic ends up buying the truck, or eating food that is bad for their own health, or voting against their own self interests.  Advertisers and politicians use controversy to create wedges in people, because they can then use that wedge for financial gain.

Rubberneckers then hop on wedges others have created, trying to get a piece of that energy.  Trump today, for example, hopped on the wedge and had this to tweet:

So Ram decided to issue an apology.  Not because of a change in heart.  But because it keeps their name in the news cycle.  This is the calculated work of advertising.  A pre-planned “apology” signals to the non-target demographic that “we’ve learned our lesson,” while simultaneously signaling to the target demographic that “can you believe these jerks making us apologize for being true Americans like you?”  The controversial non-apology apology itself becomes a piece of news, timed in such a way that ensures Ram trucks will continue to be talked about for days to come.

So that’s when the hologram of the Prophet Muhammad comes in.  Here's what the hologram has to say:

Hello, this is the Prophet Muhammad.  You may know me as the founder of Islam.  Ram has asked me to appear as a hologram today to help apologize for their Super Bowl Ad.  

On behalf of Ram: I am sorry for loving America.  I am sorry for using words of service to highlight all the real Americans out there who give service  Americans who don’t criticize job creators for trying to make a nice ad.  Americans who will never apologize for loving this country.  We are tough.  You like tough.

How could  I realize people might be offended?  All I wanted to do was honor America.

So I, the great Prophet Muhammad, the greatest prophet that has ever existed, call on you to show mercy and forgiveness to Ram Trucks for trying to be good Americans.  Ameen.

People were immediately confused how to respond... until liberals and the Muslim community erupted with anger by pointing out that it is blasphemous according to Islam to show a hologram of the Prophet Muhammad.  And shame on Ram for using Islam to sell trucks.

We at The Tilted Glass interviewed Bob Denver, a steel worker from Toledo Ohio, who had this to say in response: “Libtards are just making more terrorism by attacking Muhammad who comes with a message of peace.  I think you just got trolled by Ram.  I’m going out to buy their truck.  Ameen.”


The Tilted Glass