Reality Adjustments

White-Owned Cannabis Business Seeks Black Prison Labor

Apr 07, 2019

A white-owned marijuana business has been using black prison labor to handle its trimming operations.

The business, Canned Moods, is owned by a trio of men who’d met at Duke in their college fraternity.  As marijuana became legalized in different states, they quickly mobilized their connections to buy up growing operations in Northern California.

“Dealing marijuana became quite lucrative,” said one of Canned Moods' founding brothers, Reginald Whitaker.  “But the price of harvesting was still very high.  How could I find good people who really know their weed, but pay them less?”

The answer came on a pleasure cruise.  One weekend, sailing in a friend’s yacht, Mr. Whitaker read an article in The Economist over a morning soufflé.  It explained how a statistically disproportionate amount of African-Americans were going to jail for nonviolent marijuana offenses.  Most were being locked up for simple possession, while others were dealers, just like Reginald.

“I sprang up from my Adirondack and nearly fell into the sea.  This group of incarcerated blacks would surely know their weed just as good as me.  Why not subcontract them in prison, but for pennies on the dollar?  Where others see injustice, I see opportunity.”

And that’s just what he did.  Business has been booming ever since.

“It’s crazy,” said Mr. Whitaker.  “I remember passing spliffs with my bros between classes at Duke.  We’d listen to Bob Marley.  Phish.  Man those days were full of good vibes.  And now, without any help from dad, or connections at my grandfather’s cotton farm, I’ve become a millionaire too.  But by following my dream.  My way.  God bless the opportunities we all have in America.  God bless the Federal Correctional Institution of Lompoc, California, and all the prison factories under our government’s UNICOR corporation.  God bless America.”

The Tilted Glass