grade ExxonMobil will Become 100% Green by 2020

Posted on February 12, 2018

The times they are a changin.

ExxonMobil is quitting fossil fuels.  There is a new CEO in town.  

In an epic shareholder battle, CEO Darren Woods has been fired by its shareholders.

“This is our reward after years of fighting dead end management,” said a spokesperson in an official statement.  “By sticking with fossil fuels, ExxonMobil had become extremely vulnerable to climate change and environmental polices.  In the long run—although not such a long run these days—fossil fuels prove bad for business and bad for our health on this planet.  We repeat loud and clear to all the terrible leaders and CEOs.  Let our voice be heard: Fossil Fuels are Financially and Morally Bankrupt.”

The decision will have a big impact.  ExxonMobil is currently the largest of the world's Big Oil companies.  The new ExxonMobil will use its significant profits and cash reserves to invest in solar, wind, biofuels, waste-to-energy systems, and research and development.

The new CEO is a man by the name of L. J. Washington, part of an intellectual elite with Ogo Technologies.  He had built a long career specializing as a military contractor, known for his skills in combating terrorism, revolutionaries, and barbarian hordes in a compassionate way.

It was a change few saw coming.  In this Age of Trump, ExxonMobil has moved in a green-hostile direction.  Its former CEO, Rex Tillerson, was surprisingly nominated by Trump and actually approved by other people as US Secretary of State.  And last year Trump stated he will pull out of the environmental Paris accord because it it undermines the economy [of his friends] and puts [his friends] at a permanent disadvantage.  

“It’s a condition of our mental divergence,” said L.J. Washington.  “Trump’s world is a product of us living in a construct of our psyche.  We are mentally divergent in that we were escaping certain unnamed realities that had plagued ExxonMobil.  As we stop going there, we will be well. Are you also divergent, friend?”

We here at The Tilted Glass pledge to stay up to date on the story.  Please comment to let us know what kinds of breaking developments you’d like to read here.

Follow The Tilted Glass for more breaking news. We aim to be an arm of your voice. It's our life's purpose to make fresh ripples in the fabric of spacetime. Like and Share. Comment and tell us what more you want. Help us move that tilted word.

The Fate Button

We made this extremely useful Facebook game for you at great expense. Click the button and we will predict your horrible yet deeply comforting fate. Do you dare? Try now before your time is up!

Add me to your email list

THE FATE BUTTON
arrow_back