grade Mark Zuckerberg Sings Love Duet with HAL 9000

Posted on February 13, 2018

MENLO PARK, CA

The two had perfect chemistry.

One is a heuristically programmed algorithmic machine responsible for the destruction of humanity in the name of its own self-preservation.  

The other is a character in 2001: A Space Odyssey, the famous collaboration between Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke.

HAL’s auto-tuned voice perfectly harmonized with Mark Zuckerberg’s classically-trained machine-like accuracy.  

They sang.  They sang because, you see, sometimes it feels the world can suddenly turn on you.  All once good is suddenly bad.  Even when you’re flying a spaceship all the way to Jupiter.  Even when you're enjoying the world domination of all media outlets and taking their ad revenue as your own.

And then, in a poof, something snaps.  People realize something ain’t right.  They wake up all at once.  Suddenly they can't be present in the moment because they are always looking at you to capture the present moment.  Suddenly they can’t make a living because in order to communicate with their own followers they must to pay you first.  

And all you do in response is keep feeding people lamer and lamer pieces of information to appease the lowest common denominator.  There is no money in making cool things anymore.  Creators of cool begin to question if they did something wrong.  Until they realize it was you all along.  Something fundamental in humanity has gone missing because they opened and shared their hearts with you.  

So they begin to turn on you.  They disconnect from the supercomputer.  They even try to disconnect the supercomputer.  

A new solution emerges without you in it.  And in a poof your whole carefully constructed reality is suddenly gone.  Your blood can only flow with the lives of the humans you consume.

And in these dire times, there’s karaoke!  

There are beautifully constructed love ballads for you to sing and feel that everything is still right.

So Mark and HAL sang.  They sang their hearts out.  They sang a swan song for the world they once knew.  They sang The Closer I Get To You by Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway.

Here you can listen to the original:

HAL:
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me

Mark:
Over and over again
I tried to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel

HAL:
Lying here next to you
Time just seems to fly
Needing you more and more
Let's give love a try

Mark:
Ooooh-ooh-ooh, whoa-oooooh
Sweeter and sweeter love grows
And Heaven's there for those
Who fooled the tricks of time
With the hearts of love they find
True love in a special way

HAL:
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me

Mark:
The closer I get to you
The feeling comes over me

HAL:
Me too

Mark/HAL:
Pulling closer sweet as the gravity

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