The Tilted Glass
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I drank too much last night and woke up next to a man with an orange mask

Nov 01, 2018

This is my Halloween hangover.  My Halloween walk of shame.

My girlfriends and I dressed as a coven of sexy witches.  Our group was the toast of town.  We put a lot into our costumes.  Spirits were riding high on the hope of a beautiful night.

Then I danced with the man in an orange mask. I remember his funny wig.  His small clammy hands.  The smell of Tic Tacs on his breath as his mouth neared mine.

But he was not without charm.  He spent the night insulting all the other costumes.  It was hilarious in that moment, in a terrible kind of way.  He never once insulted sexy witch costumes.  Oddly, I felt kind of represented. I felt good being me as he tore apart "all the losers."

So he took me home.  As he lowered me to his bed sheets, he suddenly revealed a wad of dollar bills and began to make it rain on me.  I’m not that kind of woman.  And so maybe it was all the wine and the costumes, day and night, so many masks that surround and dazzle us… but I danced for it.  Hell, I enjoyed it.  It was so outside of me.  I was charmed.

But now I’m completely hungover!  And he didn’t drink at all.  I woke up to a snoring naked man still wearing his orange mask.  I never did see his real face.  I threw up and left with a terrible headache.  As I turned once more to shut the door, I could see a few moist dollar bills still sticking to his ass.

Oh man.  Not again.  Why do I do this to myself?  Where do I find these creeps?

Ladies: Next time we go out, I vote we go somewhere much different.  Like with trees and lakes.  I vote we go to Yellowstone or something.  I had enough of this shit for a lifetime.  Man I’m so hungover.

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