Reality Adjustments

Flight MH370 found... on Google Mars!

May 14, 2018

Major developments today in missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

Our staff aviation experts have found the plane.  And it is well outside the Indian Ocean search area.

“It’s on Mars,” said resident sleuth, Alex Shankman.  “Just west of the Eunostos canal.  Look for yourself.”

Sure enough, on Google Mars, on can see the distinct aircraft shape (circled in photo above).

This harkens back to March of this year, when Peter McMahon, an Australian mechanical engineer, claimed he found MH370 using Google Earth.  His claim has since been debunked by mainstream media, but not after a flurry of elevated hopes, smashed dreams, and new conspiratorial claims in a slew of endless conspiracies.

You can see for yourself what looks to be the Boeing 777-200ER, with the Malaysian logo written on the side.  Curiously, it appears as one piece, suggesting a safe landing rather than a crash.

The most obvious question is: How did the plane get there?  Large passenger planes can't fly much higher than about 7.5 miles (12 kilometers). The air is too thin at those heights to hold the plane up. 

“Clearly MH370 was outfitted with rockets,” answered Shankman undeniably.  “This explains the irregular flight path.  The ‘erratic’ turns it made between Malaysia and Indonesia only look erratic because you’ve mapped it onto 2D space.  You've made an illusion because you believe in a flat earth.  Map the ‘erratic’ path onto 3D space and obviously the plane is moving vertically through our atmosphere towards Mars.  Stop believing in crazy 2D Flat Earther conspiracies, get your head out of the sand, open your eyes to the 3D world, and let’s go meet the Martian survivors.” 

Thus, if the plane had been equipped with rockets and fitted to handle atmospheric heat and pressure changes, then it would be obvious to all that Captain Zaharie Ahmad Shah landed that aircraft safely on Mars.  The passengers have now begun to terraform the planet, creating a new Eden, populating the planet with new families and children, smashing the barbarian hoards along the way.  A new utopia.  new Virginia.  What a paradise.

It’s very exciting news indeed.  As such, it has begun to set off a new wave of territorial conquests.  The government that settles Mars would lay vast claims to its natural resources.  And that government is Malaysia.

“Ever hear of SpaceX?” continued Shankman.  “Elon Musk is actually organizing a Martian conquest unit to steal Mars away from the Malaysians. Never mind that he is South African.   Trump himself said we’re going to Mars ‘very soon.’  Yet this is still hidden from the public.  But why?  Why can't the new world order of governments come clean?”

The Tilted Glass is very excited to break this news to you.  Please join us for more.

The Tilted Glass