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Tinder Date Points Out Faults in Happy Couple. How Many Faults Can You Find?

Mar 16, 2018

A man on a first Tinder date became filled with cynicism yesterday upon seeing an image of a perfectly happy couple. 

Wally Cumberbum had met up with Maria Gonzalez.  Their date was going really well.  Wally had even moved to snuggling up next to Maria to look at her iPad together in this cute little rustic cafe that was Maria’s favorite.  

Soon thereafter, Wally saw a photo of a happy couple.  He mimicked sticking his finger down his throat to vomit.

“Are you ok?” asked Maria in concern.  “What's happening?  Are you choking?”

“Man get a load of these two white hipsters,” laughed Mr. Cumberbum ironically as he pulled his finger from the back of his throat.  “This is our junk culture advertising trying to sell us an anemic and sterile version of happiness.  What is this another Frida Kahlo Barbie doll?  Look at them with their stupid overpriced lattes in a stupid overpriced cafe.  That cafe paid a lot of money for those fake ‘authentic’ rustic wooden beams.  They're dressed in clothes as sterile as some stock photo.  They wear boots but I bet they never lifted an axe in their lives.  Their obsessive and meticulously groomed faces betray the casual carefree lifestyle they wish to portray.  This sham of a photo is another millennial lie to put on their Instagram to act out how great their lives are and how in love they are.  But one day the truth will all implode upon them with misery and suffering.  I don’t care if that guy is Latino.  It’s a careless example of unchecked privilege from white America.  And don’t get me started on that stupid toy of a dog.”

Maria nodded and then excused herself to use the restroom.  When she returned, she explained that she just got a text that her roommate was locked out of their apartment.  Maria had to leave to help let her in.

Wally gracefully said that of course he understood.  As he stood up to give her a gentleman's kiss goodbye, Maria had already left.  Wally sat back down on the floor cushion for two, finished his latte, and grumbled to himself about that dog for some time.

How many faults can you find?

The Tilted Glass