Reality Adjustments

Couple Sells House to Pay for Wedding

Mar 26, 2019

DUBLIN, OH - Emma & Harry Vicksmith have been planning their wedding for almost a year now.

“We are very much in love,” said Harry.  “But have you seen how expensive everything gets?  Vendors hear 'wedding' and suddenly everything triples.  $2000 for a bin of Coca Cola?  Who can afford this?!"

Indeed.  Not on their salaries.  Emma is an art teacher at the high school.  And Harry works as a sales manager for Footlocker.  With under a year to go, things began turning bleak.

The couple was questioning everything.  How could they honor a dream union... without a dream wedding?  Would they cancel the wedding?  But without a wedding, how could they build a life together?  How could they start a home?

“That’s when I had the idea!” said Emma.  “Let’s sell the home!”

So they did.  They moved out from the suburbs and into a roach-infested downtown flat.

Except the money wasn't enough.  So Emma began dancing at the local strip club.  And Harry began prostituting himself behind the dumpster on nights and weekends.

With so much work, the loving couple hardly sees each other any more.

“Just fifty more hand jobs,” said Harry, exhausted, after a lucrative evening.  “And we'll be able to add a carpet of roses where we walk down the aisle and take our loyalty vows.”

Last seen, Emma was on a plane, first class, to Saudi Arabia.  A wealthy regular at the club had offered her a weekend gig.

How great!  At this rate they’ll be rolling in the Benjamins and in Franklin.  I mean... pretty much, right?  We wish the nearly newlyweds many blessings on their new life together.  Congrats!

The Tilted Glass