Reality Adjustments

Trump Breaks High Score in Donkey Kong

Feb 10, 2018

Donkey Kong has a new King of Kong.  The world record high score has been broken once again. 

This morning US President Donald J. Trump surpassed Robbie Lakeman’s record with a new high score of 1,249,200.

Trump is awaiting verification from Twin Galaxies for confirmation, but anticipates no problems with cheating.  A staticky VHS tape of Trump breaking the score dubbed in Arabic was handed over by Vice President Mike Pence himself this very morning.

“I’m the best,” said Trump.  “No idiot can break this score.  You have to be a genius to barrel smash and jump the way I do.  And you need big hands too.”

But success doesn’t come over night.  It was a long road to get to this career high in Trump’s life.  

“You think my dad inherited me the high score?  I earned it all by my very self.  I’ve been practicing day in and out, ever since I beat Crooked Hillary fair and square.  My first executive order was to install an arcade machine inside of Air Force One.  Secret Service has to haul this thing to every hotel I go to.  All of my houses now have one.  Between that and golf, I’ve done nothing else as President than just perfect my score to make America great again, taking the high score back from Robbie Lakeman.  You know him?  I don’t.  They say Lakeman is from Concord, but I haven’t seen the birth certificate.  Maybe.  Maybe.  Who knows?  But who cares for that loser.  America is number one once again.”

The high score comes as Twin Galaxies, the official video game verifier for Guinness World Records, is examining the scores of Billy Mitchell, a famous gamer and former King of Kong, who has been accused of cheating.

“I know Billy,” said Trump.  “Great man.  True patriot.  He uses the initials USA.  What’s not to like?”

Not all gamers are convinced.  There are strong rumors that Trump has been outsourcing the work to child labor factories in China, prison camps in Siberia, and military torture cells in secret desert bases.  There has been put forth evidence that the true winner is actually an ISIS terrorist by the name of Abu Bakr al-Dulaimi, aka kissyface.  That Trump is passing off the work of ISIS terrorists as his own.

Trump has yet to respond, but stay tuned for breaking news here at The Tilted Glass.  It' sure to be good.  These are very exciting times for the Donkey Kong community and for gaming in general.

The Tilted Glass