Eris Throws Golden Apple into Winter Olympics Ceremony
Feb 09, 2018
It seemed like such a good idea. Just a nice banquet of world leaders to celebrate the 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony.
What could go wrong? Everybody was there in the peaceful spirit of the Olympics. Leaders from Russia, USA, Germany, Israel, Pakistan, Venezuela, North Korea, China, Japan, Egypt, United Kingdom, South Africa, Belgium, Congo and all the countries of the Earth actually, all sending their leaders to the Winter Olympics opening ceremony banquet.
But then Eris showed up uninvited.
Eris, the goddess of discord, was not invited due to her troublesome nature. Denied entrance, she threw a little gift, a golden apple, into the center of the ceremony banquet hall.
An inscription upon the Golden Apple read: To the Most Beautiful.
Each of the world leaders claimed the apple for themselves. “I want the gold!” they decried. “I am the most beautiful!” But it was very difficult to choose between such beautiful leaders:
So they brought the matter before Winter Olympic Committee. Not wanting to get involved, the committee assigned the task to RuPaul of Troy.
RuPaul of Troy, child of Aphrodite and Hermes and sibling to Hermaphroditus, was chosen because she is known for her extreme fairness and ability to judge beauty. She once voted against herself in a drag race because "Bam! Absolutelyyy!"
So the Winter Olympic Committee entrusted the golden apple to RuPaul and then told the world leaders that they must accept RuPaul's decision without question. There would be silver and bronze apples made as well for the non-winners.
Because each country wanted only the golden apple, the leaders of the world stripped off their clothing and appeared naked before RuPaul to try to seduce her with their beauty.
They also promised bribes. Mugabe offered to make RuPaul the Queen of the World. The Queen of England offered her wisdom and skill in battle. And Trump offered to give to RuPaul a beautiful man to be her husband, a man from the old city of Troy, now modern Turkey, a man by the name of Turkish President Recep Tayyip ErdoÄźan, who in fact was already married.
RuPaul foolishly chose Trump’s offer of committing adultery. This caused a trigger of shifting alliances between countries, husbands, wives, lovers, gods, goddesses, religions, and marketplaces. Soon warmongers came out of the woods who viewed this as an opportune moment to strike. It seemed all the world was waiting for that golden spark. RuPaul’s decision just might even cause the destruction of her beloved Troy.
As the countries begin mobilizing their best athletes to fight, the battle for a new world order has begun.
Let the Olympics Games begin.
