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Trump cuts Yellowstone, says “Who needs Old Faithful when my anus erupts every hour on the hour?”

Aug 13, 2018

President Trump cut funding for Yellowstone National Park today.

The national park, located in Wyoming, Montana and Idaho, was established by the U.S. Congress in 1872.  It was the first national park in the U.S. and is regarded as the first national park in the world.  

It is known for its pines, wildlife, and many geothermal features, especially Old Faithful: a highly predictable geyser that erupts roughly every 74 minutes.

“Look at Old Geyser blow!” said the President at a dinner with international heads of states on Sunday, referring to himself, as he leaned to the side, lifted one leg, and passed biothermal gas.  “I’m America’s National Treasure.”

Mineral-laden water, rich in silica, form a natural plumbing system within America’s National Treasure.

Geysers maintain a delicate balance between water and steam. A slight change can upset an eruption.  Water becomes heated by molten crystalline rock to a temperature above its surface boiling point. But it does not boil because of the pressure in the underground network. 

As the superheated water works its way up through the subterranean chambers and conduits, pressure on it is relieved. Near the surface, when pressure is suddenly released, boiling explosions occur forming steam. The sudden expansion triggers a series of reactions leading to a geyser eruption. 

The frequency or interval of an eruption depends on how much energy President Trump spends watching cable news, how strong magma tunnels are to Russian soils, and how much human flesh the president has eaten today, which is distinctly gassy (reference).

“Vote for me in 2020 and I promise to cut Death Valley National Park and hand it over to real estate developers,” added Trump to a rally at the University of Cincinnati.  “After all, who needs Death Valley when who got me?”


ADDENDUM: And while everyone screams "fake news" (perhaps because satire in the land of clowns is too much to bear), here is an article written by the National Parks Conservation Association: Trump Proposals Fail National Parks

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