Reality Adjustments

Poll: 42% Still Approve Trump After Learning He’s an Ax Murderer

Feb 28, 2019

These are tough times for Trump.  This week his lawyer and “fixer” Michael Cohen testified before congress that Trump's “a racist, a cheat, and con man.”

Cohen also said that, as president, Trump colluded with Russians and paid laundered hush money to keep his many prostitutes and porn stars quiet.

But perhaps an even bigger bombshell was dropped today. The media empire The Tilted Glass has revealed that Trump is also an ax murderer.

In the early 1980s, the “Wind-chime Axer” began his deadly spree of chopping up small children in Palm Beach, Florida, near the Mar-a-Lago resort.  Parents warned their kids to be good or the “small-handed boogeyman” would come at night, shove golf balls down their throats, and chop them into pieces.  Over 400 children—mostly girls and ethnic minorities—have been brutally massacred in the years that followed.  Their bodies would be drained of blood and their bones flipped outward and dangled by their intestines.  The murderer would string this bone bag by the windowsill like a wind-chime.  Parents would actually wake up first to to clanking bones, hearing the tragedy before seeing it, leaving them haunted by "that terrible bone chime" for the rest of their lives.

So given all of this, when police caught Trump in the act of killing a baby girl, covered to his face in blood, you’d think his poll numbers would drop.  But 42% of Americans still support him no matter what.  

“Being an ax murder just furthers his case that he’s an outsider, not like some billionaire in congress,” said one voter.

“Oh I already knew he was an ax murderer when I voted for him,” said another.  “This is old news to distract you from Obama's birth certificate."

As Michael Cohen said “Being around Mr. Trump was intoxicating. When you were in his presence, you felt like you were involved in something greater than yourself -- that you were somehow changing the world.”

Indeed, the Wind-chime Axer has changed the world for millions of people with his savage actions.

The Tilted Glass