Reality Adjustments

Russian Troll Accidentally Makes Broccoli Political

Mar 18, 2018

Today a Russian Internet troll has made a serious mistake.

“I blame Google translator,” said Andrei Mikhailov.  “There was a small typo.”

Actually a pretty big typo.  Because now our society has become divided into those who eat broccoli and those who do not.  And the choice is political, a divisive platform splitting at the heart of an already trolled nation.

“There I was,” continued Mikhailov.  “I was going about my day dividing Americans into false binaries, such as traditional families vs gays, wall supporters vs rapists, truthers vs climate change hippies, gun supporters vs socialists, freedom lovers vs universal health care lovers, you know the drill… when suddenly Vladimir hit the wrong button and we found ourselves telling people they had to choose between American family values or broccoli.  Oops.”

Thousands of trolls were dispatched before the mistake was noticed. Millions of bots relayed the accidental word.  By the time the mistake was realized, it was too late. 

Anti-broccoli memes began appearing in the wild on reddit. Americans aligned themselves into a nation where the left ate healthy broccoli and the right refused to be indoctrinated with the Californian farming agenda.

There are rumors of riots at grocery stores.  Fox News is reporting that liberals have begun spreading wild broccoli seeds onto the lands of family farms in the bible belt.  Michael Moore is now recommending an all broccoli diet.  Walmart is putting their broccoli behind special metal detectors and Rapiscans with gated access.  Trump has tweeted that he’s never eaten broccoli in his life, despite photos to the contrary, which have now surfaced.

“Well I suppose it’s working,” said Mikhailov.  “Here in Russia we divide ourselves over whether or not you you drink vodka.  And we all drink vodka.  Ha Ha.  Stupid Americans.”

The Tilted Glass