The Tilted Glass
 
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9 Behind the Scenes Photos at The Tilted Glass Factory

Dec 01, 2018

Come on over to the The Tilted Glass Factory and learn how Internet Content gets made.

These rare glimpses show how the magic gets built. Today we open our Willy Wonka gates for the first time and let you golden ticket winners in.

Ready?

1) Idea Collection

This here is Rhoda Netz.  She’s our idea collector.  This scrap metal is where all the ideas come from.  It’s Rhoda job to grab the best bits before The Onion, Bored Panda, Russian Hackers, or agents from The Chicken Dimension steal them away from us.  But she’s learned to be selective too.  The scrap metal never stops piling up, and most of it is best left as scrap.

2) Glass Building

Pictured is Lucia Vaso.  She specializes in making glass bubbles.  Forgive me for stating the obvious, but for those not aware, glass is the phase of entry for the non-3D dimensions.  Through our glass, scrap ideas may snap into the 3D plane through the traditional bosonic spin process of energy into mass.  Upon entry, these dimensions explode into the mold of our hot glass, which cools as we blow it into bubbles, expand into a saintly dome, slip inside the sphere of our own creation, then throw rocks at this shell of a Crystal Palace from within, dodging the deadly shards as they coming raining down upon us in the destruction of our own undoing.  Pretty straight forward.

3) Thread Fuser

Moving along, we get to Stacy Needles.  Her specialty is the weaving of serious, satirical, and enchanted threads.  These three thread types don’t always go together - but soon you’ll get the hang of it.  Of course you’d never know how hard of a job it is because Stacy makes it look easy.  Look at her weaving like 10 things at once!  Dang!  How does anyone but Stacy Needles keep track of all of that?

4) Tilting Station

Next we get to everyone’s favorite part: The Tilting Station.  Let’s flip our glasses and make a warm welcome for Robert Strate, our official tilter.  His job is to use that turnkey to crank the very foundation on which the glass stands.  It’s a tough job.  If it tilts too much, it becomes straight again.  Then we have to retilt the whole thing again. And again.  And again.  You need a PHD in tilt to do it right.  This isn’t a job for blue collar workers.  It’s a job for blue collar workers.

5) Riveting Department

Watch your heads!  It’s Flash Lively!  He’s our riveter.  Flash’s AMAZING job is to make our content riveting!  Wow!  How exclusive!  How viral.  He’s so viral that he prefers to work in quarantine before suddenly opening the valves and entering the water supply to get to our precious bodily fluids.

6) Proofreading Department

Look twice!  It’s Dooris Tiresias and Hellen Speler.  These two ladies run our proofreading department.  Behind them are the center wings of a C-47 transport plane.  This material plane is our how content gets delivered to the world.  Dooris and Hellen are our last line of defense.  If something ain’t purfect, or they miss a typo… than all of our hard-earned credibility is lost.  Our great content will get owned by some troll that says “Your so dumb you cant even spell, bro.”  Which really sucks as that completely dismantles any debate position we may have held.  It also sucks because sometimes stupid Instagram won’t let us fix a typo unless we delete the whole thing and repost, thus deleting our hard earned likes along with it.  Thanks Dooris and Hellen!

7) Marketing Department

This is Blarzo Canon.  He blasts our message to the world, down people’s throats, whether they like it our not.  Bam bam bam!  You’re either with us or against us, suckers.

8) Feedback Department

Our job is not done yet!  We listen to you.  Steve Shredder handles the crates of mail we get on a daily basis, 98% of which are complaints or confusion.  Steve’s a really good listener all the same - and with his help we get sharper, stronger, more polished, more crude, more clear in our tilt.

9) Special Shout Out

Finally, a special shout out to our staff photographer Alfred T. Palmer.  He works for us, although sometimes we lend him to the Library of Congress.  He’s employed in our Office of War, which bafflingly we still need to have, because somehow in this enlightened age there are still Nazis to fight… just now they wear clothes that looks nothing like the old Nazis.  Hard to believe they are out there within us.  Thanks, Alfred!

 

Well that concludes our tour.  Now you know what goes into each post that you read here at The Tilted Glass.  Thanks for coming along.  Please mind the gap on the way out, and be sure to follow us and join our email list to not miss out on the next exclusive tour to come.

Best regards,

Robert Corp, Editor in Chief, The Tilted Glass

The Tilted Glass