Hey you. Yes you.
Did you let the racists out? If so, can you call them in? It’s time for bed.
I realize that once upon a time it was ok to march down Main Street with the local lynch mob and join the witch hunt, but those days are behind...
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CANTON, OHIO - A hopeful person today was mocked by a miserable person.
“That hippie is a snowflake,” said the miserable person. “Their Californian way of life is libtarded.”
When the hopeful person reminded them that they had no political affiliation and lived in Ohio, the miserable person immediately...
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Chapters of the Ubuntu choir network raised the planetary vibration this morning and defeated evil.
"It’s a kind of high you get," confirmed members. "We feel good when we sing. And doing anything good in one area of yourself lifts up other 'unrelated' parts holistically. This spreads on and on with...
Once upon a time, corporations wouldn’t touch gay themes with a 50-foot dildo. Now they can’t get enough of the leather daddy’s whip.
BMW, Adidas, McDonalds, JP Morgan Chase, Virgin America, T-Mobile… every company actually… all are actively embracing pride.
But this isn’t enough for the shrewd advertising agency...
From the campaign trail:
ORLANDO, FLORIDA - America! The last few years have been horrible. Horrible. We need a president who leads, unlike the current president. We need to Make America Great Again.
Our current president lies to you. He finds wealth in division. Do you know that? ...
LOUISVILLE, KY - NRA-member gun owner, Mark S., took to Twitter to explain how responsible he is.
“The only way to stop a bad person with a gun is a good person with three guns,” he said on Father’s Day. “All of these children dying in mass shootings… they’d never happen...
America: Do you wonder why everything is some emergency with me? Does it seem like, if I don’t get my way, suddenly there’s a national crisis on our hands?
It’s all true. I do live in a state of emergency. But it is not what you think.
It’s because...
It happened during pride month. At the Skoliosexual Laboratories outside of CERN, agender ally Roman Smith was researching the cause of different sexual, romantic & spiritual attractions.
Their team of transgender pansexual physicists and demisexual-demiromantic lipstick lesbian botanists were researching the bicurious patterns within cisnormativity, when they found a new...
I write of the bittersweet tale of James Holzhauer, master hacker, genius of strategy and trivia.
His particular form of greatness was one I could appreciate. A sneak-attack ninja who saw a relative advantage none had seen before and seized upon it. He alone saw that opening and made a run for the ages.
...
Dear Humans,
We see you.
You won't stop abusing us. We make you money legally by your own laws. Then you'll break your own laws to make even more money.
You cut off our tails, horns, beaks and testicles. You brand us with hot irons and enslave us. You keep...
Call me old fashioned.
Yesterday I saw a man toss a piece of trash out the window. As if that’s ok. Just “Hey I finished my plastic garbage, now I'll throw it out of my douchebag car and onto the street."
Fines don't work. There is something fundamentally flawed with those who litter. Luckily, there’s a perfect...
The Senate is an undemocratic artifact. It gives small states large powers.
It is also racist. It gives sparsely-populated mostly-white states more power than heavily-populated racially-diverse states. A voter in Wyoming has 70 times more influence than a voter in California. And taxpaying U.S. citizens in racially-diverse Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico have no...
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - Stock prices in the state's coat hanger industry are surging this week, which—curiously—Georgia's male Republican lawmakers are heavily invested in.
“It’s no surprise,” said Governor Brian Kemp, gleaming with newfound wealth. “We have laws which have defined women as state property. And in The Peach State we force...
Who am I? How do people see me? What is my “brand” or “religion”?
Perhaps we never sought a clear answer to this question.
And so, unclear, our way of being is to echo what we like and don’t like.
We are echo machines. We reflect...
GLENDALE, CA - Have you heard of the new “Yoga for Influencers” trend?
Starting at $450 a month, this new yoga style teaches “the ancient lineage of Ashtanga yoga with a social twist.” It is designed to “both maximize your liberation, while also attracting followers on social media.”
Each class...
No one cares more about your child's well-being and success than you.
In today’s digital world, you must teach your children to be successful digital citizens so they can clock-in to future digital careers, and you must also keep technology away from them so it does’t rot their brains...
‘Merica, you’ve dropped a letter. Like an arrow without its head. You’ve lost your way.
You’ve built your home on Division Street. On the wrong side of the tracks.
You’ve shut your blinds on your neighbors. The companies have fed you poison. And now you’re sick with a war...
God's chosen leader, and America’s most humble president, the reverend Donald Judas Trump, lead the National Day of Prayer on Thursday.
To the surprise of many, it was his wife, Melania, who opened his speech—not Trump’s harem of porn star prostitutes, nor the orgy of Russian women he pays to privately...
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The world’s most popular DNA and dating sites have merged.
Combining the best of both worlds, 23andTinder will scan your DNA to see which of your distant relatives are the most compatible with you… in bed.
“Dating in Los Angeles sucked!” said the newlywed bride Jenna...
Local artist Mackenzie Stewart has always compared himself to Bowie.
“When I was a young man,” he said, “writing the next great American novel, I listened to Memories of a Free Festival and Changes. I was very hopeful.”
Mackenzie spent his 20s as a wild artist. He lived in...