Reality Adjustments

All Democrats Announce They Are Running for President in 2020

Apr 25, 2019

This is what Democracy looks like.

Joe Biden announced he was running for president in 2020 this week, joining Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Beto O'Rourke and all the rest of the Democrats in the United States.  

This brings the total number of Democratic presidential candidates to 44.7 million.

“Some might say this is a a crowed field,” said former Vice-President Joe Biden to a stadium filled with other cheering presidential candidates.  “But I disagree.  This is what Democracy looks like!”

The 44.7 million candidates mark somewhat of an upswing from the previous election, where just 10 Democrats ran for president.

“I don’t get it,” said conservative voter and proud MAGA supporter, Alex Hadson.  “Won’t that split their vote?  By my calculations, if all the candidates vote for themselves, and everybody is running, then each candidate would only get like 8 votes each.”

A perplexing scenario indeed, one that could shake the shaky foundation of a party already split between older centrists and younger progressives.  It’s a scenario that could allow for the nomination of a radical sleeper candidate, much like how Trump won in 2016 within a crowded field of Republicans.

But music director and presidential hopeful Putney Swope didn’t seem bothered, stating “When I’m elected, I’m not going to rock the boat. Rocking the boat is a drag. I'm going to sink the boat.”

Indeed, Putney.  Indeed.  Stay tuned to The Tilted Glass for more shattering updates.

The Tilted Glass