My name is Igor Stravinsky. In 1913 I debuted The Rite of Spring. It was at the Théâtre des Champs-Elysées in Paris...
My dancers dressed in whimsical costumes, performing odd and violent moves, choosing convulsive jerks over traditional graceful fluidity. My avant-garde pulsating rhythms came to define the height of modernism while telling a...
The Fate Button
One click unlocks your tragic yet deeply comforting fate
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Hint: It's Not the Black Guy
Lately I’ve been feeling victorious! I feel in control of my life.
I used to always be busy hurrying—now I have all the time in the world!
What’s my secret?
Perhaps it's because I can see things from another angle.
Did you know that War is Peace? All you people fighting&hellip...
“This statue is Un-American,” screams Todd Sayers at a local Taco Bell. “The statue was a gift from France to indoctrinate us with their lies. Send her back! You just lost your visa, Lady Liberty. You're fired!”
Mr. Sayers has taken offense to the symbology of the statue, in particular its...
In a private talk with buddies today, President Trump was overheard as saying “If I could have one super power, it would be x-ray vision. Can you imagine? Mmm all these sweet ladies everywhere. I'm just a kid in a candy store. I’d pop so many tic-tacs.”
Many on the left were...
NASA has announced its next space shuttle mission.
“We're sending our resident aliens to invade Earth,” said NASA spokesperson, Gary Jupiter. “Mostly they'll come, hover ominously for a few days, blot out the sun, and scare people with threats of anihilation. Then whoosh disappear! It’s going to be sweet.”
The controversial move...
How I Yearn for the Machines of the Future to Come!
The steam engine. The spinning jenny. The cotton gin. The telegraph. The sewing machine!
Bring me your steel and dynamite and vaccines, electrically charged! I invite you, our coming robotic utopia!
Soon I will not have to plow my...
Look around you. Do you see everyone around you?...
What a beautiful elephant. Don’t you think?
Did you know elephants are the only mammal that can’t jump?
They purr like cats do.
Elephants love water. They use their trunk to breathe like a snorkel.
Did you know an elephant’s skin is one inch...
YOU ARE WEAK. YOU HAVE NO DISCIPLINE!
You damn weaklings! And all your strutting about how you want to ebb and flow and bend with the wind with the supple grace of a twirling ballerina.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A BALLERINA? No! You don’t! BALLERINAS ARE STRONG! They...
This simple article determines your true sexuality.
Are You Gay or Are You Irrational?
Studies have shown that you are born to be either gay or irrational. This is not a choice. This is an honoring of that path that is within you.
Make sense? If so, then you are...
#NationalSchoolWalkout #SchoolWalkout...
Death has entered the beauty business. The market has traditionally been dominated by Life.
“I’m taking a new angle on makeup,” said Death. “Traditionally the art of makeup has been to celebrate beauty and also to hide indicators of aging. Well I’m done hiding.”
The collection covers all the traditional...
Agent Orange is back in Hollywood.
The reality-TV-star-turned-president has returned to the source from where his passion flows.
“Trump was very excited at the metafictional aspects of this project,” said Trump’s agent Joseph Conrad. “As you know, in the original Apocalypse Now, director Francis Ford Coppola makes a cameo as a TV...
