Reality Adjustments

Kim Jong-Un Beats Trump in Korean Spelling Bee

Feb 20, 2018

Trump lost a big bet today that affects all Americans for one calendar year.

It was at the Winter Olympics.  A special cocktail hour for world leaders.  It was all going well.  All the threats and name calling between countries that you see on the news were non-existent now.  Just world leaders enjoying their time together over expensive food, with beautiful courtesans at their sides, making secret deals like the good ol' days before the Internet and socialism.

Until Kim Jong-Un showed up.  Trump had stood up from the room to use the bathroom.  While Trump was gone, for quite some time actually, Kim Jong-Un sat in Trump's chair.

When Trump finally returned, he screamed for Kim Jong-Un to get out of his chair.  But Kim Jong-Un would not yield.  It quickly escalated.  The two began wrestling for the chair.  Then Trump threatened to bomb Kim Jong-Un's entire family with nuclear missiles.  

Then came The Wager, The Spelling Bee, and The Shadow Government.

Kim Jong-Un: You’re so dumb, Trump!  You can’t even spell nuclear missile.  

Trump: I’m a genius everybody knows I’m a genius everyone knows I can spell nuclear missile backwards.

Kim Jong-Un: So I challenge you to a spelling bee.  Ha!

Trump: I don’t accept challenges from losers.  I challenge you to a spelling bee, loser.  And I’m such a genius I’ll challenge you in Korean.  I can beat you in any language.

Trump’s advisors appeared nervous and began whispering into Trump’s ear.  But Trump just brushed them away.

Kim Jong-Un: And what is our wager then?  Let's see how serious you actually are.

Trump: I win and you have to do whatever I say for a year.  You win and I have to do whatever you say for a year.  Shadow country rule, baby.  Plain and simple.

So the bets were set.  A spelling bee officiator was already on hand.  Apparently this kind of thing happens more often than not after a few sojus amongst world leaders.

Officiator: Kim Jong-Un, you are the challengee.  Under Article 13.2 of the Moscow Spelling Bee Accords, your turn first.  The word is missile.  Misail.

Kim Jong-Un: 미사일

Officiator: That is correct.  Trump, your word is thank you.  Gomabseubnida.

Trump: Pardon?  

Officiator: Thank you.  Gomabseubnida.

Trump: Goma whatta?

Officiator: Would you like to spell it in English?  You have the right to spell in your own language under Article 3.51 of the Moscow Spelling Bee Accords.

Trump: Never.  Never never.  But can you give me the definition?  I'm unfamiliar with this term.

Officiator: Thank you.  A polite expression of one's gratitude.  Gomabseubnida.

Trump: 위조품?

Officiator: I’m sorry.  That is incorrect.  The correct spelling is 고맙습니다.

Trump: Not again!

Kim Jong-Un: 재밌 네요. 아무도 이해하지 못하는 것을 말하면 그들이 원하는 모든 것을 실제로 있습니다.

Sorry, USA.  The party is over.  Time to get to work camp.  

The Tilted Glass