The Tilted Glass
We topple Goliath! Bettering lives with serious, satire, and enchanted content.

Congress Keeps Rickrolling Their Gun-Control Bills

Feb 15, 2018

In wake of the Florida school shooting on Wednesday, the #GunReformNow debate has re-sparked.  Because it is never going away.  Because we are failing our kids.  Because we are failing our society.

When kids became sick during the tide pod challenge this year, NY lawmakers were quick to respond, drafting bills to control tide pods.  But when preventable mass shooting take place on a regular basis, well....

Yesterday in Florida, 17 people died from a school shooter.  The killer was armed with an AR-15 rifle and multiple magazines.  This marks the 18th school shooting in the first 6 weeks alone this year.  Can you name the other 17?  Probably not.  

Lawmakers realize this.  They know you will forget about this soon enough.  So they Tweet their thoughts and prayers and wait for you to get distracted by the next New Shiny Thing.  Meanwhile the planet keeps getting hotter and the guns keep getting louder.

But not today.  Our Tilted Glass reporters have met with lawmakers in congress.  Seems they actually plan to do something about it this time.

“Oh you want action?” said Trump.  “Here you go.  Click here to see my executive order banning assault rifles.”

#1 NRA funding recipient, Senator John McCain (R-AZ), who sends his prayers with his wife Cindy for the victims, said “I’ve taken important steps to draft a bill to require extensive backgrounds checks, waiting periods, and personality tests. Click here to read it.”

#2 NRA funding recipient, Senator Richard Burr (R-NC), who sends his thoughts and prayers, said “Click here to ban open carry and concealed weapons laws.”

#3 NRA funding recipient, Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO), who sends his thoughts and prayers, said “Click here to ban silencers.”

#4 NRA funding recipient, Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC), who sends his thoughts and prayers, said “Click here to ban all assault weapons and only permit limited guns for hunting purposes.”

#5 NRA funding recipient, Senator Cory Gardner (R-NC), who sends his thoughts and prayers, said “Click here to ban bump stocks.”

“Such a great day in congress,” said Republican majority leader Kevin McCarthy.  “Our lawmakers are finally doing something aside from sending thoughts and prayers.  Just know we are never gonna give you up.  Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry.  Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.”


The Tilted Glass
close