I Prefer to Look at the Nice Things Hitler Did, by Aunt Sally

Nov 28, 2018

Hi sweetie!  It’s your Aunt Sally.  When are you coming home?  I don’t see why you had to move all the way out there to go do that silly dream of yours.  Quite frankly we both know you don't have what it takes.  Don't you think it's time to come back home?  Your ex stopped over yesterday looking for you.  Your ex is so nice.

So about this Hitler person.

Yesterday I heard some bad people say some terrible things about him!  Things that would make you go sick.  Sick!  The things that came out their filthy mouths made our sweet Jesus shed a tear.  I don't want to hear it!  So much Fake News!

Open your eyes, haters!  Open yourself to love and positivity!  Hitler did wonderful things but you just see evil all the time.  Shame on you.

So I made this list of good things Adolf Hitler did:

• Made the economy’s jobs
• Loved animals, ate vegetarians
• Sexy physique
• Helped America
• Married his longtime sweetheart

Yes - I know.  It is a great list.  Thank you.  Seriously.

What?  What?!  What are you talking about now?  A World War?  The Holocaust?  Those things never happened.  And never will happen.  Not on my dime.

And even if they hypothetically did happen, so what?  I bet he was the only one who really cared about the conditions of the Jews in their happy camps.

Why can't you hear it?  He preached love.  Love for our country.  Love for liberty and justice.  And he didn’t just preach it - actions speak louder than words, you sick-hearted liar.

So you go keep calling "love" to be "hate."  Shame on you.  I know what's real.  I see the bright side of life, unlike you, you sick cucktard.  I'm helping make America great again.

For more Aunt Sally, check out My Advice for the New Women in Congress, by Aunt Sally.