The Tilted Glass
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"Drugs" Check Into Drug Rehab Clinic

Jan 07, 2018

The entire global pharmaceutical industry today has checked into an addiction treatment center in Orange Country.

“Our little Drugs has picked up a trillion dollar-habit,” said its concerned mother and father from Austin, Texas.  “I don’t know how it happened.  It just kind of blew up.”

Drugs has been in the grips of its own drug epidemic.  The trillion dollar industry has been involved in inventing, growing, manufacturing, dealing, and also using itself itself.  Seemingly everyone has been profiting from Drugs' behavior, from universities to patent & malpractice lawyers, to insurance companies, hospitals, lobbyists, advertisers, and many others making it nearly impossible for Drugs to quit and break its habit.

In the process it has become addicted to the likes of OxyContin, Xanax, Vicodin, Suboxone, Adderall, Valium, Percocet, Ambien, Klonopin, and Fentanyl.  Not found in nature, Drugs have genetically engineered them to be extremely potent.  Fentanyl alone is 50 times stronger than heroin.  A rash of heroin overdose deaths throughout the country, especially in Ohio, were found to be caused by heroin cut with Fentanyl.

“So at some point we just had to step in,” said mom and dad.  “We couldn't stop pretending everything was fine and looking the other way.  We gave Drugs a Drug Intervention.”

Some people have been disappointed by Drugs going to rehab.  President Donald Trump addressed the issue directly, saying that Drugs didn't need to check into a rehab.  Drugs are just fine.  “The best way to prevent drug addiction and overdose is to prevent people from abusing drugs in the first place," he said at his golf club in New Jersey, putting blame over to the victims of Drugs.  He added that young people should simply be told drugs are “No good, really bad for you in every way”.

We wish the global pharmaceutical industry a speedy recovery.

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