Reality Adjustments

Trump Wishes for X-ray Vision as Super Power

Mar 02, 2018

In a private talk with buddies today, President Trump was overheard as saying “If I could have one super power, it would be x-ray vision.  Can you imagine?  Mmm all these sweet ladies everywhere.  I'm just a kid in a candy store.  I’d pop so many tic-tacs.”

Many on the left were immediately offended.  “It is a shame that Trump thinks about visual raping women," said Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).  "I expected more from him, even with my terrible expectations.  I expected a basic level of human decency.  I mean, where’s the bottom?  Is there even one?  How low can this man go?”

The GOP were more tolerant, although some took a moment to gently reprimanded his choice.  “Everybody knows that flying is the best super power,” said vice-president Mike Pence.  “I don’t see the point in x-ray vision.  I only look at my wife.”

Trump quickly had this to tweet in response: “It was just locker room talk.  Is it against the law to look at women as sex objects?  You misheard me anyway.  Yes I wished for x-ray vision, but I wished for it so I can look for hidden bombs.  I want to help America by detecting if illegal immigrants are smuggling bombs and drugs into this great country.  Don’t blame me if you are soft on crime.”

Last seen, Trump was wandering around New York City's fashion district, eyes gaping, jaw dropped, a mysterious smile spread across his face.

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