Reality Adjustments

NASA Will Send Aliens to Earth by 2020

Mar 01, 2018

NASA has announced its next space shuttle mission.

“We're sending our resident aliens to invade Earth,” said NASA spokesperson, Gary Jupiter.  “Mostly they'll come, hover ominously for a few days, blot out the sun, and scare people with threats of anihilation.  Then whoosh disappear!  It’s going to be sweet.”

The controversial move is in full cooperation with the aliens, a ground of intergalactic barbarian hordes whose leader, Zlagoralord the 13275th, is also commander of the 5th faction of the Milky Way Galaxy.

“The aliens are totally on board with it,” added Gary.  “They’ve been our friends since the mid-50s after secretly landing down from the Pleiades.  Well, mostly secretly.”

The staged invasion will be an effort to bring world peace.

“Last summer Gary and I were vacationing on a government yacht in the Florida Keys,” explained Zlagoralord.  “I had just eaten a kilogord of Arcturian fungus and I must admit I was feeling quite inspired.  We were lamenting recent politics and the condition of Earth, when suddenly I get this half-baked idea: What if NASA sent us to attack  EarthThen all your different countries would have to learn to get along to fight a common enemy.  Your world leaders love to point the finger at others, so let's use that.  Point it at a us for once: Us, destroyers of planet Earth, marauders of the rainforest, tappers of great resources, enslavers of souls, extractors of land, sea, and sky.”

The idea slowly gained momentum.  Soon they could see no other option.  It was perfect.

“We’re going to morph into some really scary forms,” added Zlagoralord, who normally takes on more agreeable appearances, such as Jessica Alba or Chris Hemsworth.  “We’re big fans of your alien horror movie genre.  My wife is going to wear a necklace of severed heads of old Spanish conquistadors while juggling fire like Shiva.  It's gonna be the best show in town."

Summer 2020.  Coming soon.

The Tilted Glass