Is there a fire near you?

We built this tool at great expense for your safety.

According to our database of active fires:

Yes! The fire is 40 feet from you!

In fact, it is burning down your home. It is time to start anew. This is a blessing...

OMG, here comes another one now!

I see you approach with moving eye.  I shake your hand with a funny grip.  I say hi as I hold my breath in my chest.

I want to get out of this conversation.  I make ill-timed jokes.  Flight and fight. 

I awkwardly search for conversation to ensure no awkward...

Pfizer has isolated a new drug that  makes people compulsively spend money.

It’s the perfect drug for any business to peddle to their customers.  Imagine the possibilities.  It has infinitely business potential.  

But how to get customers to take the pill?  

At first glance compulsively spending money sounds like a terrible...

It can be difficult for parents to know when their children are ready for mass media digital consumption and production.

We’ve created this simple questionnaire to determine when your child is instagram ready.

Is Your Child Instagram-Ready? Would you be upset if your child fell behind in technology...

Janice is about to begin a food cleanse tomorrow.

It will be 6 weeks of liquid only smoothies, no sugar.  In the morning she will drink the juice of 21 freshly squeezed lemons.  She will be taking herbal supplements to detox the liver and kill parasites.

To cap it off...

Hey you!

I hear you talking on your phone inside that cafe, that restaurant, and that grocery store.

My!  Now you are having a video chat.

Oh look, here we meet again in this movie theater.  I see you texting.  I see how you glow… glow from within.  Every movie...

First Lady Melania Trump has not been seen for many weeks, once again, creating speculation about her whereabouts, with many theories veering into the realm of pure conspiracy.

After weeks of silence, on May 30th she stuck her head out and tweeted "I see the media is working overtime speculating...

Tilted Glass readers... help!

You are the smartest, most well-adjusted, and most caring group of people in the world.  You were also voted "Most Likely to Win the Lottery and Lose the Ticket” and “Worst Driver” in your high school yearbooks, but we’ll skip that part.

...

Today a vegetarian committed a homicidal massacre against a family of raw carrots.

“I picked them myself from my organic garden,” said Jane Tiller, 33, from Ashland Oregon, with pride.  “I love picking vegetables from my garden.”

She feels proud for her bloodshed.

You see, Jane didn’t eat an apple or an...

🤔Out of all people, we are looking to our readers to answer this question. You know best. Please help me. 

Because our readers are known for your abilities to fly past enemies within, outside, above, and below... through the chemtrails and into blue skies where government media mind control radiations are...

In response to the wave of mass shootings, today the NRA has released a list of 10 Tips to Stay Safe.  

This 10 step plan will ensure as much safety as possible for a better America.

NRA: 10 Tips to Stay Safe

Outside is unlikely to be safe.  Don't leave...

The world celebrates Stephen Hawking’s final journey today, as he decided to enter a black hole.

Stephen Hawking, left this dimension at 76 years old, the same day as Albert Einstein's birthday, also known as Pi Day.

Diagnosed at the age of 21 with Lou Gehrig’s disease, Hawking was given...

Hark!  Greetings to you, my friend, in this time of the dictatorship of mechanical devices!

You, like me, surely remember the days of yesteryear, before this town installed its great clock tower with its gears and escapements and its cacophonous bell ringing upon the hour.

We used to awake with the sun.  Sleep...

A successful healthy relationship takes work, but not the stressful kind you might think.

We asked the birds flying between the desiccated winter tree branches that grow out of you and your partners' opened skulls for their top 5 tips to making a healthy and lasting relationship.

1. Have fun together

Life...

NASA has announced its next space shuttle mission.

“We're sending our resident aliens to invade Earth,” said NASA spokesperson, Gary Jupiter.  “Mostly they'll come, hover ominously for a few days, blot out the sun, and scare people with threats of anihilation.  Then whoosh disappear!  It’s going to be sweet.”

The controversial move...