The Tilted Glass
We topple Goliath! Bettering lives with serious, satire, and enchanted content.

MÊRIKA FURRST,,! - Introducing Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.

Oct 17, 2018

Top of the day to you, sage readers!

The Tilted Glass proudly introduces a blinding new addition to our striking team of staff columnists: Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.  

Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq. hails from the former colonies on the other side of Drake’s great sea.  He is a stand up gentleman, tasked with covering important topics such as liberty, justice, and bad people who spell nicely.

We find Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq. is a man who speaks for all the world, even though he’s oddly decided to title his column “MÊRIKA FURRST,,!”

And now without further ado, time for our newest staffer to take the reigns.  

So knees up.  Chin up.  A warm welcome for Mr. Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.!


MÊRIKA FURRST,,!

REEL ‘MERIKANZ MÆK LOTZA TIPOSWEN WE RITE

with Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.

IONLY TRST PEEPOLEZ HU RIGJT GUD,,,,,, NO WAT I MEEN????? AL DEM PHAKERZ U-ZIN “GUD” GRAMER IZ KWITE SIMILR 2 WAT ISNDESTROYING R KKUNTREE TIZATHI. 

ITZ GODDEN WHER ICANT T TÅKE U SRSLY IF U TĀK WIT AL UR PHANCEE GRAMR,,,, F U N UR OXFOR COMAS N LOWRCAYS. U RONG IF UDIZAGRĖĘ WIT HOW I RITE. 

MÅRK MIGH WŪRDZ: “GUD” GRAMER IZ A SINEA BÄD PEEPOLEZ,,,,,, CONZISTANT GRAMER ROOLZ IZ A SINE DAT UR 2 KRYSTALEYZ ENUR M’DALUHTEE A ‘TINKIN.  AL U AN R KISSEZ N UR NAN-FLOO-ED GRAMER!  U SHUD LERN 2 JUS TRUS PEEPOLEZ HU H20 RITE LIK MI. SRSLY.  KRYSTL BRÆND MTHAFKAS.  

IF UCANT FLW DEN ITZ A SINE DAT UR BRÆN IZ PNTD BAK WURDS,,,,,,,  COM PNT 4 WRDS.  SPELIN S A SPEL!  WHU DU U TRAS 2 CAST DISPEL? N WĘ SHAL SAYV LIBERTY FRM DA PLAYG A DUÜUM.

STĖ TOØOND 4MO.  IL B BAK.  BCUZ I GATTA HÌ CĘLERY JAWB RITIN NOW WIT DA TILTAGLAS,,,,,,

DA TILTAGLAS IZ REEL NIZE PEEPOLEZ.  DEY GIV ME LOTSA MONEY JUS 4 PRESN BTNS... ONA KEY BORED!

Sincerely, Duncan Haywood-Petticoat Esq.

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