Reality Adjustments

Cardi B Saves The Planet w/ 4 Step Plan

Feb 09, 2019

Cardi B saved the planet today and delivered world peace with her 4 step plan.

We bring you this news mostly after being charmed watching a bunch of Cardi B interviews last night.

How did the Afro-Latina signer from the Bronx do it?  Here’s her 4 steps, in brief.

Step 1) She enhanced your vocabulary.  Teaching you about “okuuuuuuurt” and being “regular degular shmegular” and “on kimbo”.  Through expanded vocabulary, you were able to express yourself in new ways, ways that carried vibes of fun and play and power into your life.  Slowly your life became fun and playful and powerful.

Step 2) She empowered you to be true to yourself, follow your heart, confident, stay in school, and care for people in tough circumstances.  With your re-grounded sense of self, you felt empowered to be true to your soul's path—and then go out and get it.

Step 3) Her interviews charmed viewers with her unique personality, inspiring people to embrace their differences and get that shmoney together.  Once charmed, there was no left and right, up and down, forward and backward... there was only a Spirit of Fun.

Step 4) Lastly, to be announced this afternoon, she charmed several generals, used them overthrew the US government in a violent military coup, mobilized economic leaders to fall in step to her command, and ushered in a new world order lead by empowered women.  Emotional gangster move.

Step 5) To be continued...

The Tilted Glass