Trump Funds the Arts! Orders $18 Billion Metaphor Built Along Mexico
Dec 29, 2018
Called “Wall to Nowhere,” the president’s art project will need a whopping $18 billion dollars in federal art funding.
“I tried to get my art installation funded via national security,” said Trump. “After all, the arts are essential to the fundamental security of a society, our hearts and souls, but FAKE NEWS and FAKE CONGRESS labeled my artistic vision as some ‘useless metaphor.’ They said the billions was better spent, not on archaic walls, but on overstayed visas and surveillance technologies."
His proposed art installation would construct 316 miles of fencing along the 2000 mile long US-Mexico border. And yes: he's serious. If they don't give him his metaphor, he's willing to shut down the US government.
"They don’t understand art!" screamed Trump as he banged his fist against the gallery wall. "They're not smart like you. These corporate types never get art. Oh, but they buy it all up and hang it in their corporate offices and say ‘oh hey look we own a so-and-so aren’t we sophisticated?' Well you can’t but my art, sell outs! Art is for the people.”
Trump, who had completed his MFA at CalArts, submitted his art installation concept for his graduate thesis. In his final review, Trump wrote “Wall to Nowhere juxtaposes the ephemerality of wallness as form of stoppage against the immediacy and urgency of natural landscapes which through their own changing nature cannot exist in either fixed situation or geography. Wall to Nowhere constructs a visual critique around histories and ideologies of what is American identity, personal and public.”
When asked why he needed 18 billion dollars to make a tiny piece of fencing, still leaving many hundreds of miles open, Trump replied “It’s the perfect amount of fencing. Big enough to be taken seriously, yet small enough to communicate the futility of it all.”
Last seen, Trump was spotted collaborating with Vanessa Beecroft on a new concept. Entitled The Oval Office, fifty nude female performers will stand for hours and—when they finally drop through sheer exhaustion—must then engage in relations with Trump. The president is reportedly very excited about the project, paying up to $130,000 per performer.