Trump Shuts Down Government Citing Anarchist Emma Goldman

Dec 24, 2018

President Trump has shut down the US Government.

A spending bill failed to be passed and signed by Trump on Friday.  Trump cried “buy me my 5 billion dollar wall or nobody gets a government!”  And since he couldn’t get Mexico to pay for it, Trump shut down the US government, just in time for Christmas.

At least that’s how the “fake” mainstream media reports it.

We here at The Tilted Glass have the rest of the story.  You see, this isn’t some drunken baby tantrum of a bloated ego.  This is the culmination of a life’s quiet dedication to the philosophic foundations of anarchism.

Holding a dog-earned copy of Emma Goldman’s Anarchism and Other Essays, Trump said “I’m shutting down unjust hierarchy.  Self-governed societies based on voluntary, cooperative institutions are the way to be.  Don’t fence me in!”

Last night at 3am, Trump then tweeted a series of inspiring quotes:

“Every society has the criminals it deserves.” —Emma Goldman

“Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on five thousand years of experience, that we cannot entrust the management of our lives to kings, priests, politicians, generals, and county commissioners.” —Edward Abbey

“Your pretty empire took so long to build, now, with a snap of history's fingers, down it goes.” —Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

Trump ended his pre-dawn stream of consciousness on a personal note, saying “My secretaries have all quit.  My fake friends have all left me. The government, church, military, wall street, my wife and kids... I've shut it all down.  There's nothing left.  I am alone.”

We wish you well, Mr. Trump.  May you be that revolution you are meant to be.