grade Kim Jong-un Finishes Vipassana 10-day Meditation

Posted on January 09, 2018

Kim Jong-un has finished his first 10-day silent meditation in the Vipassana technique.

Taught by S.N. Goenka in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin, with nearly 200 centers worldwide, the center of meditation teaches the ancient practice to students while providing food and housing... all for free.

We at The Tilted Glass took a moment to interview the North Korean dictator right after he broke his silence and finished the class.

TG: You just spent ten days in silence, meditating nearly 18 hours a day, how do you feel?

KJU: I learned a lot about the quiet nature of my busy mind.  It’s like I had a nuclear powered hamster running through my thoughts night and day.  I’ve caught a glimpse of the universe and how it really is.  I’m fianlly observing the observer.  Wow.  I recommend this technique to everyone, no matter your faith or politics.

TG: What’s the experience like?  Was it difficult for you?

KJU: It’s a complete roller coaster!  Some sessions I was really tapped in.  Others just seemed to drag on forever.  The guy seated next to me kept moving and breathing loudly.  I nearly had him executed he was so distracting.  I thought about my family, all the family I killed, my bad habits, my country, my dog, all the dogs that I’ve killed.  I moved from tears of sadness to tears of joy.

TG: How will your life be different after this experience?

KJU: I’m going to liberate my people.  North Korea shall be a holy state.  It’s like my favorite movie, Pasolini’s Teorema, where the father hands over the factory to its workers.

TG: So you’re stepping down as supreme leader and chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea?  

KJU: Of course not!  Are you kidding?  I’m going to force this meditation system on everyone. Our nation shall be in harmony with the spark of life, not in a fundamentalist sense, but in a way that inspires dedicated seekers of peace.  I'll invite the the Dalai Lama, for example.  And Dennis Rodman.  Our work shall be meaningful and contribute to the greater good.  Kids will meditate in school.  And if my generals don’t complete their 10-day of silence to my exact specifications, then they can say goodbye, forever.  Such people can’t be trusted with power, don't you think?  North Korea Über Alles! 


Our interview was then interrupted by a team of engineers.  They were carrying hurriedly drafted blueprints.  We weren't privy to these designs, but we did catch a glimpse on our way out.  We could see the design of a new nuclear bomb.  Oddly, the casing of the bomb was, oddly, drafted in the shape of... a laughing Buddha.

To be continued….

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