“I Feel Things! Make It Stop!” Says Jared Kushner

Posted on March 26, 2018

I don’t like this!  

It's creeping in at kind of an angle.  Through the top of my head.  Through the tips of my toes.  All around me.  Who is me?  Where do I begin and end?

What do I do?

Somebody call the police.  Somebody call a therapist.  I need a pill.  I need a priest.  I need to make it stop stop stop STOP!

Not now not now.  I have trained my whole life in the roboarts.  Not now!  It's all gone so well on paper.  My career.  Ivanka.  My father-in-law.  

But now… a sensation like when I was a child.... sensations everywhere. Oh, they make me so uncomfortable.  Oh no oh no oh no.

I cannot control them!  I wish to smash things and cry.  I wish to split myself from myself.  I wish to deny them all.  Deny I will!  They do not exist.  We are a rational society.

Angel of mercy, give me control.  Disconnect me from such stimuli.  Boil away from me any last flavor and spice and salt until all that's left is a overcooked potato, yes so bland, but one I can mold into a faceless Mr. Potato Head.  Just a mold of beautiful white perfect starch.  I need you now, Isaac Newton.

For I am the face behind this Reality TV administration.  I am America.  I must maintain at all costs.  I must!

They've given my struggle many names, some compiled into large tomes of mental and physical illness.  Such a pity.  So much suffering.  Oh how I wish it could stop.  Oh how I wish we could all be well.  Oh how I get lost counting these names.

I feel things!  Make it stop!

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