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“Down with labels! We’re just sexual beings!” says Orwellian newspeak agent.

Jun 11, 2018

“Just to be clear, I am an ally,” said Orwellian newspeak agent Syme.  “Whether you’re heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, omnisexual, skoliksexual, demisexual, grey-ace, asexual, polyamorous, intersex, MTF, FTM, agender, genderfluid, bigender, trigender, pangender, genderqueer, demigirl, demiboy, androgyne, intergender, nonbinary, questioning, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or aromantic.”

Then Syme adjusted their glasses upside down and looked you straight in the queer eye.

“But have you studied the latest newspeak dictionary?” asked Syme.  “Do you see what they are doing?  All these adjectives are now gone.  In the new dictionary, we’re all just sexual beings.  Even our asexual friends.”

Newspeak, of course, is the language of California Über Alles, a totalitarian state ruled by the Party.  The Party created newspeak to meet the ideological requirements of California Socialism (Calsoc).

Newspeak is a controlled language of restricted grammar and limited vocabulary, a linguistic design meant to limit the freedom of thought—personal identity, self-expression, free will—that ideologically threatens the regime of Big Brother and the Party.

“We’re just sexual beings!” repeated Syme. “That’s how Big Brother wants us to think!  That we’re just shapeless souls taking form here on Earth to find its latest expression.”

And that’s how it starts, kids.  Watch out.  One day you're with your skoliksexual androgyne partner exploring a panromantic relationship, when suddenly the thought police comes and tells you that ‘There’s only love.’  Damn you, hippies.  Double damn you.

In the olden days, there was just the ether.  Then came Einstein and the Standard Model of physics and a particle soup exploded with strange quarks and gluons and Z bosons and W bosons and muons and taus and electrons and neutrons and Higgs bosons and hey what happened to the Unified Theory?

Yet we carry on.  Carry on.  Into this ether of love that keeps coiling us up into so many springs.

Happy Pride.  Big Brother is Watching You.

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