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Category: Art

Cardi B Saves The Planet w/ 4 Step Plan

Cardi B saved the planet today and delivered world peace with her 4 step plan.We bring you this news mostly after being charmed watching a bunch of Cardi B interviews last night.How did the Afro-Latina signer from the Bronx do it?  Here’s...

The Art of the Cave

Found in capitol city.

Nobody Sees The Chicken Dimension - Chapter 10 - The First Photograph

View from the Window at Le Gras, 1826The first photograph in history, Joseph Nicéphore Niépce

Who is Elizabeth Gilbert? We Dossier Her Truth

Motto: I am a sensual woman who dares to embrace our full human experienceFlaw: Her “raunchy truths” can feel calculated, cloisteredWhat Can Save Her: BankruptcyAlternate Reality: PhrenologistMost Likely Outcome: Achieves...

The Genius of David Bowie & Marianne Faithfull Singing “I Got You Babe”

Today we celebrate David Bowie’s birthday by diving into an obscure and amazing stage performance: David Bowie & Marianne Faithfull singing Sonny and Cher's “I Got You Babe”. Aired in 1973 as part of Bowie’s rock musical spectacle called...

Category: Culture

Trending: Nation’s Husbands Invent Emergencies to Win Negotiations with Wives

A new trend is taking America by storm.  America’s husbands have begun declaring emergencies to avoid negotiating with their wives. “I just find it so much easier this way,” said Fred Carson of Aurora, IL.  “I wanted to watch the...

Happy Lupercalia: the Erotic Festival Destroyed by Valentine's Day - Feb. 15th

In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius created St. Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th) to overtake the Lupercalia festival (Feb. 15th). Lupercus was a name for the Greek god Pan, a satyr. His festival, celebrated annually on the anniversary of the founding of his...

Quiz: Who Said It? Donald Trump or Charles Manson? Quotes from Cult Leaders

Think you can spot the difference between these two men? It's not as easy as it may seem. Take our interactive quiz to learn your Trump-Manson score. Who Said it? Donald Trump or Charles Manson?  ...

Woman’s Instagram, Tinder Now 100% Identical

The Instagram and Tinder accounts of Jennifer Silver have successfully reached 100% fusion. A single social media manger in her late 20s, Jennifer has converted her Instagram into a tightly-controlled dating portfolio. It presents a visual...

Facebook Conversation Trapped in Some Libertarian Logical Hellhole

Someone you barely know in real life has proclaimed victory on your Facebook wall.  They’ve “recapitulated once again” that your “argument has been soundly defeated by logic” and that they--unlike you--“stand for the truth.” This tedious...

Category: Economics

Economic Victory! US Crushes China in Manufactured Crises Production

Censorship alert!  Trump delivers new economic miracles the mainstream media refuses to broadcast. The US has re-gained the #1 spot in Crisis Manufacturing for the first time since its 2003 Invasion of Iraq, beating out tough...

Solar Powered Tanning Beds a Big Hit Across America

It has been tweeted as a victory for green renewable energy. A manufacturer of solar powered tanning beds can’t keep up with demand.  Beaches across America are now willing up with solar powered tanning beds! Because no power...

Trump Announces New Line of Jade Yoni Eggs

For Immediate Release: Today, just in time for Christmas, the Donald Trump Corporation launches its exclusive line of jade yoni eggs. Our crystal healing Trump Stones are perfect for women to flex their sacred kegel exercises within intimate...

Citadel’s Poor Build Moat to Protect King’s Royal Treasury

Per king’s decree, the poor people of this land continued building a great moat around our great nation’s citadels. “The poor people from the outside are trying to come in and take our gold!” reminded the king.  “They want the good life,...

Exxon: Haters Gonna Judge Anyway

🛢💯 Haters gonna judge, so might as well just do whatever the hell you damn want.Exxon CEO, Darren Woods

Category: Inspired

Man Trapped By Endless Work, Loses Sense of Childhood Wonder

It’s been another long day of work for Matthew Danes.  This came after a long week of work.  Wow, my how the year has just flow on by. Feels like forever since he had even a couple days off.   Wait… what happened to last...

Does being in the now, mean ignoring our future?

The power of now?

I Found This Link To Justify My Bias!

It’s not what you think. I have a deep bias and wish to justify it by sharing something external.  My link says that vegans are stupid.  That classical music is scientifically better than rock-n-roll. That rock-n-roll is better than...

Nation’s Lesbians Invite You To Their Veiled Room

The nation’s lesbians invite you to their veiled room. Come inside, she said.  I set down my book and glanced over to find her parting the curtain.  Well, why not? It’s a magical place.  You can stay inside.  Or you...

[Insert This Year] Sucked! I’m so ready for [Insert Next Year]!

In what’s become a New Year’s Eve tradition, Mark Baker celebrates his 10th year of re-posting how much this year sucked, and how much he's ready for next year to be different. “Man there’s so much hate in the world this year,” said Mr. Baker, a...

Category: Nature

Just a Monkey Gazing into the Great Expanse

wow

influencer transforms into influencee

hashtag mountaintop

I am highly intelligent if you practice hearing me ~ plants

If only plants had opposable thumbs...

9 Urgent Photos From Your Sponsor: FREAKY Mother Earth

Are you working too hard, but lacking wealth? Are you sabotaging yourself from meaningful relationships? Are you stressed trying to solve the latest 3D twist in a 28-Dimensional global conspiracy knot? Is your very livelihood, friendships,...

The Revolution Wishes You a Merry Christmas

Holiday Greetings from the Uprising. We didn’t buy you a new drone or phone this Christmas.  As if we can buy our way out of this global debt.   We didn’t sing carols or even wish you well.  We were in silence, listening,...

Category: Politics

Leaked! Trump's Sexy Valentine Texts to All His Girlfriends

Donald Trump’s steamy Valentine’s Day texts were leaked today. The president had been on a midnight bender, texting his many love interests. While the public is accustomed to America’s first “Porn Star President,” less known is his style of...

Who is Adolf Hitler? We Dossier His Truth

Motto: I will Make Aryans Great Again Flaw: Falsely believes he’s a military and strategic genius; blames Jews, minorities, gays, intellectuals and foreigners for all problems. What Can Save Him: Acceptance into art school...

Are The Boys in the Racism Hats Racist?

Y’all are still working overtime trying to solve the mystery of whether or not the boys in the racism hats are racist. #CovingtonCatholic

Native American Vet Sings For All Time

After Catholic school trip to anti-women’s rights rally, MAGA-hat students spilled out and mobbed Native American elders. School apologies to natives; not to women. Young boys now doubly confused. For context, here's the elder's account as...

Man Calls For More Child Brides, Child Detention Centers

ROANOKE, VA - Randy Smith was sickened when he read the news after church on Sunday.  He saw immigrant babies being ripped from their mothers’ clenched fingertips.  The kids were dumped into overcrowded chain-link cages where they curled...

Category: Religion

Who is Jesus Christ? We Dossier His Truth

Motto: Y’all are noisy and can’t feel true love Flaw: Wasn’t white, didn’t upload sermons on YouTube What Can Save Him: Himself, his wife and kids, his friends Alternate Reality: Socialist revolutionary Most Likely...

Trump SOTU: “Blah Blah Blah Join My Cult”

WASHINGTON DC - Trump delivered a riveting State of the Union speech last night.  He blabbered on a bit before suddenly getting into the juice, stressing the importance of obeying his cult.  Here is the highlight from the speech:...

Evangelical: Just Do Whatever You Want… And Still Make Money

KANSAS CITY - The founding pastor at The Mountain River of First Hope had what you might call a ‘religious experience’ today. Noah Bafome built his church by preaching the kinds of things that made his heart sing: love your neighbor, forgiveness,...

Buddha Has Quote on Meditation Selfie

i meditate best while taking selfies observing the observer --buddha

Who is Pope Francis? We Dossier His Truth

Motto: I will humbly modernize Catholicism to honor the universal god of love within us, while pretending not toFlaw: 2000+ years of genocide, pedophilia, crusades, goldWhat Can Save Him: Women popesAlternate Reality: Floor...

Category: Science & Health

Trump Explains the Miracle of Birth

It is I, your father and midwife, Donald J. Trump. Have you considered the moment your mother and I conceived you in a furnace of passion? Babies come from outer space.  They arrive in a cosmic jet that only billionaires can...

"I Vote for Robots" says robot

New Parents Suddenly Know Everything & Have No Time For Your Crap

New parents Lisa and Steve brought their 1 and 4-year olds to a small house party of intimate friends. They began their first conversation with "So, you still aren’t expecting, are you?” When they saw a friend putting salt on a salad: “Salt is...

Who gave the drunken baby guns and money?

Good question.

Toddler Shuts Down Family Until Pony is Bought

Two-year-old Ronnie Bulwark has shut down his family with a nasty temper tantrum.  He hasn’t stopped crying, and “won’t ever stop for the rest of his life,” until his parents buy him a pony. While his parents tried to carry on life as...

Category: Sports

New England Patriots Remind Americans That God is Dead

Super Bowl LIII was the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever.  The New England Patriots defeated the Los Angeles Rams, 13 to 3. When asked the secret of his longevity, the team’s captain, Friedrich Nietzsche, clenched the game football in his...

Football Fans Excited for Peruvian Shaman’s Super Bowl Ad

Over 100 million people will watch the Super Bowl today.  Fans will come, set their worries aside, and gather over food, drink and bright screens to enjoy the thrilling championship of modern gladiators. Over a half billion dollars will be...

After Bitter Elections, American Golfers Make Up & Celebrate Their Differences

The US midterm elections have been an act of carnage.  Divisive politics.  Nazis.  Racists.  Caravan invasions.  Rapists.  Guns out.  Big Jesus.  Relations between friends and families have been torn....

George Washington Takes a Kneel

Let’s get ready to rumble...

Colin Kaepernick Kneels to Protest Nike Sweatshop Labor

Colin Kaepernick has returned to the headlines. In 2016, the former San Francisco 49ers quarterback became known for opting not to stand during the national anthem.  He did this to protest the treatment of racial minorities in the United...

The Tilted Glass